What you don't know
by arod
Summary: In all appearances, Lily and James hate each other with a passion. But in reality, all is not as it seems. Neither Lily nor James are willing to see what's right in front of their eyes, but life's too short to always be in denial.
1. Prolouge

What you don't know  
  
'What is your problem?'  
'I'm sorry, I guess I'll never offer to help you again!'  
'I don't need your help!'  
'Oh? Because it looks as though you're doing really well in your classes!'  
'Better than you?'  
'Oh? Who says?'  
'I SAY!'  
'And what you say is what is right, is that how it is? Oh, everyone, bow down to HIM because he is PERFECT! Well, you AREN'T! And I was just trying to be nice and help you, but I guess that it's simply impossible to be nice to someone as big a jerk as you are!'  
Lily stormed into the common room and into her dorm.  
  
*  
  
'Can't you take a joke?'  
'Not from you I can't!'  
'Yeah, well, that's obvious. No one else was a big an idiot about it as you were. Why can't you just relax and take it easy?'  
'You destroyed my homework! And you didn't apologize! That just shows what a conceited idiot you are!'  
'Well, at least I'm not a freak like you!'  
'I'm not a freak!'  
'Everyone knows that you are. Everyone would agree with me,'  
'Yeah? Yeah? Well-- well, I don't have to. to. act stupid to get people to like me!'  
'Oh, really? And here I was thinking you were acting stupid on purpose! I guess that's just how you are! Anyway, no one lies you for all your efforts!'  
'I'm not trying!'  
'THAT much is obvious!'  
Lily and James stomped in opposite directions, each of them trembling with anger.  
  
*  
  
'I hate you!'  
'I've hated you longer!'  
'I hated you the moment I set eyes on you!'  
'Oh, I thought you were just NORMALLY that mean to everyone!'  
'I wasn't mean to you! You were the one who called me a te4achers pet!'  
'That was five years ago! Can't you put it behind you?'  
'No, because I hate you!'  
  
.And on it went.. 


	2. Chapter 1

What you don't know  
  
'Yeah, well, you're just a freak No wonder you have no friends!'  
'I have more friends than you do!'  
'Oh, really? Do they exist?'  
'I hate you!'  
'Good! The feeling is mutual!'  
Lily Evans' green eyes flashed dangerously as she turned away and ran up the stairs, fleeing to her bed in the sixth year dorms. James Potter watched her go, shaking with fury.  
'Why? What is her PROBLEM?' he asked, not directing his question to anyone in particular. Without waiting for an answer, he too stormed to his own dorm. He felt like crying, but James Potter didn't cry. Instead he drew the hangings around his bed and stared at the ceiling numbly.  
  
*  
  
Lily Evans was lying face down on her bed, sobbing into her pillow. She wished she wasn't crying, wished that James didn't make her cry, but he did. "Doesn't he realize it hurts? Why is he such a jerk? I hate him!' she informed her pillow.  
The problem with this statement, which Lily had been telling herself and every who would listen, was that she didn't believe it. And she was the only one. There wasn't a soul on the planet that wouldn't bet their life on Lily and James hating each other.  
Unfortunately, Lily had realized some time ago that she didn't hate James. For some reason or another, she didn't hate him. Not at all. It was the exact opposite.  
  
*  
  
'Hey Prongs!' Sirius voice floated in from the doorway. James didn't say anything. 'That was some shouting match between you and Evans earlier.'  
James ignored Sirius. He wished that he didn't care that Lily hated him. He would have given anything not to feel the way he did. But it was impossible. He loved Lily Evans.  
  
*  
  
"He's right though," Lily said, sitting up and drawing her knees up and putting her arms around them. "I DON'T have any friends. I mean, you can't blame them. I'm so. weird. in a very annoying way. I'm weird, annoying, ugly, loud, obnoxious, rude, bratty, ugly.' she tugged on her braid. Lily had long red hair that she almost always wore pulled back. She hated the way it looked when it was down, but sometimes she wore it that way anyway, because she liked the feel. When she did that, however, she winced every time she looked in the mirror. "I mean, sure," she continued. "I have my little group of friends, but there isn't anyone that I really click with. Is that normal? That no one cares about me?  
"No being sad, Lily," she reminded herself. "Just pretend that you aren't completely in love with him, and. put it all. behind you. energy!"  
Grinning brightly, she jumped up from her bed, smoothed her hair, and muttered a charm that would take the redness from her eyes so no one would be able to tell that she had been crying.  
  
*  
  
James was sitting in the common room, having recently been dragged there by Sirius. He was watching the stairs leading up the girl's dormitories intently, and ignoring his best friend who was talking about plans for the next full moon.  
Why? Why did it have to be Lily Evans? Of course he was frustrated by her, but only because she was so perfect! So perfect it hurt to look at her, to watch her bounce up and down when she excited, and twirl the end of her red braid in her hands when she was bored. She was funny, quirky, outgoing, intelligent, nice, sweet. not to mention beautiful. It was obvious why he had fallen for her. But why did she have to hate him so much? He was completely in love with her. And she was completely oblivious.  
  
Suddenly he realized that Lily was coming down the stairs. He felt his heart jump in his chest, and he wanted to run to her and hug her and tell her that he didn't hate her and.  
James stopped and looked away, faking disdain. But he noticed the huge smile on her face as she walked over to her two friends, Alice and Hestia, and jumped in front of them, acting something out and laughing loudly. Her red hair was in a braid. Why did she always do that? He wished she would take it out. It always looked so beautiful, the wavy red falling down her back.  
Why did she have to be so amazing?  
  
*  
  
Lily laughed as she told Hestia and Alice about a conversation she had with Kingsley during lunch.  
'. And he LAUGHED at me! Asked me if I was PROUD of my fish! And I said that I was thank you very much. So then he asked if my fish had a name, and I said that it did, and he asked what, and I told him: Tonka. And we just DIED laughing!' Lily ended, giggling at the memory. Hestia laughed with her. She could feel someone's eyes on her, and she turned around.  
James. He was so gorgeous. His deep hazel eyes fixed on her. His messy black hair. He rumpled it just then, as she looked at him, and as her heart jumped, she remembered that he hated her. And she supposedly hated him. Why did she pretend to? She was completely in love with him. He probably had a girlfriend, come to think of it. And he hated her. Why him? Why?  
Of course, she knew why. Sometimes he frustrated her, he was so perfect. in an imperfect way. Dang it, he was funny, nice (if not to her), sweet, weird, smart, outgoing, loyal to his friends. and gorgeous, not that it mattered.  
His dark eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at her, his eyes filled with an expression that she didn't recognize.  
Their eyes met, and both of them looked away.  
Happier, Lily turned her full attention to Alice, who was excitedly telling her and Hestia about a conversation she had with Frank Longbottom during charms.  
James had not glared at her!  
  
*  
  
She was always Lily in his thoughts. Sure he called her Evans to her face, but a lot went on inside his head that nobody knew about.  
And Lily had not glared at him! A million times happier, he turned to Sirius and cheerfully discussed the upcoming full moon.  
  
* * *  
  
"Attention please! Our Head Boy and Girl, Arthur Weasley and Jennie Applegate, have decided to hold a Christmas Ball! Fourth years and above, of course, with dress robes required. It will be held in one month!"  
'Why are they holding it a week before Christmas?' Hestia wondered out loud.  
'Probably so that students can go home AND attend the ball,' Lily pointed out. 'Are you guys staying for the holidays?'  
'No,' Hestia and Alice said at the same time.  
'Me either,' Lily told them, smiling outwardly, but inwardly dreading the next month. She didn't want to see James with another girl.  
  
She didn't notice James staring at her, and he didn't notice the glance she shot at him once his back was turned. 


	3. Chapter 2

What you don't know  
  
James awoke to the sunlight streaming in on his face. He blinked, remembering that he had closed the curtains around his bed the night before. So why. He rolled over and looked up into the face of Sirius, and groaned.  
'WAKE UP! IT'S A HOGSMEADE DAY!' Sirius yelled. James groaned, running a hand through his hair as he sat up.  
'Yeah, because we NEVER go there.' he muttered. From across the dorm, Remus chuckled appreciatively.  
'Well, Sirius has a girlfriend this time,'  
'Oh, yeah.'  
'And Remus here does too!' Sirius interjected. James smile faltered slightly.  
'So it'll just be me and Peter then?'  
'Er.' Peter looked slightly uncomfortable. 'I have a detention remember?'  
'Way to go!' Sirius grinned, then stopped when he saw James face.  
'Ah well, I've been needing to do some homework,' James said hastily. 'And catch up on some sleep. so. have fun guys,'  
He rolled over, annoying and angry with the world, and then mad at himself for not being happy that Sirius and Remus had dates. A few minutes later, he was alone in the dormitory.  
  
***  
  
'Arise! Hogsmeade today! Wake up! Arise my friends! Awaken!' Lily called, skipping around the dorm. 'I woke up early to eat some sugar. all ready?'  
'Oh, Lily! You went upstairs before I could tell you last night, but Frank asked me to go with him!'  
'Really? That's so awesome!' Lily said, smiling. 'So, Hestia, you're completely stuck with me. Bwahha.'  
'Actually,' Hestia blushed, 'I'm going with someone.'  
'Oh, who?'  
Hestia only blushed harder. 'Er. I'll tell you later,'  
'Sure thing. I .. uh, need to get some homework done,' Lily said, her hyperness receding as she realized she would be alone. 'So, you all run along and have fun.' her voice trailed off.  
'No, Lily, you should go anyway!'  
Lily didn't want to go by herself, but she didn't want to make her friends look bad either. She should be happy that they were going with dates. Alice was going with Frank! Lily ignored the part of her that wished she could be going to Hogsmeade with her crush. it was beyond impossible. and, she added, beyond a crush.  
'Yeah, I can get a head start on the defense against the dark arts essay. You guys are so far ahead of me! But for now I'll, uh, sleep.'  
Feigning tiredness, Lily plopped down on her bed and pulled the covers up. Hestia and Alice exchanged glances, but a few minutes later, they left. Lily followed them downstairs, shooing them out the portrait door and reassuring them that she needed to work on homework. As soon as they had left, she plopped down on a couchy seat in front of the fireplace, suddenly extremely depressed.  
Lily was not often depressed. On the whole she was a cheerful, energetic person. Only one thing, or rather person, could bring out her sad side: James Potter.  
*I really should be happy for them*, she thought, *after all, they are my best friends. I just wish I could have a date. Not just any date. Why does it have to be James? Why is it so hopeless? Why do we always argue? *  
'Oh, that's right.' she said out loud. 'He hates me,'  
She heard footsteps and her heart leapt. Only the first and second years were left, and most of them were outside, enjoying the beautiful, if not chilly, day. Slowly she turned around and came face-to-face with James Potter. She groaned inwardly.  
'Hello,' he said.  
'Hi,' Lily replied. James crossed the distance between them and sat down beside her.  
'Why aren't you at Hogsmeade?' he asked.  
'I could ask you the same question,' she teased, crossing her arms and smiling. James returned it and Lily felt her heart flip over. Dang it.  
'Well, all my friends have suddenly acquired girlfriends, and I don't fancy the idea of walking about Hogsmeade all by my lonely self, and thus decided that my best bet was to, erm, do some,' James paused, 'homework,'  
Lily smiled in spite of herself. Fancy James Potter having the same problem as her!  
'Oh, I'm sure that you could have found some girl to accompany you,' she smiled.  
James shrugged. 'Unfortunately, not the one I want,'  
Lily felt like crying. No, she felt like simply ceasing to be. Why did James have to like someone? He never had before. He had had one or two girlfriends over the years, but why. Lily despised the idea of seeing another girl in his arms at the ball. The idea made her want to do something drastic.  
Instead she said, 'oh, really? Don't be so sure.'  
James gave her a wry smile. 'Well, I think that in this case I can be so sure,'  
'Oh? Then please, enlighten me. I can give you some advice?'  
'Such as jump of a cliff?' James asked, raising a brow.  
Lily blushed. She hated being reminded of their previous arguments, perhaps because she felt terrible being mean seeing as she meant none of it. 'Well, sure, if the case really is hopeless,' she joked. James smiled slowly. 'Really though, if you won't tell me, at least tell me why you like her,' she said.  
James looked into the fire, his hazel eyes obviously somewhere else. 'She really is amazing. She is absolutely beautiful, and doesn't even know it. In fact, if she knew that I was said that, she would most likely laugh and say it was a good joke, or roll her eyes,' his smile grew fond, 'and she's very smart. But more than that; she has a great sense of humor. I remember my older brother once told me that the most important thing in a girl was if they were funny. And even though I don't talk to her much, I know she is really sweet,'  
James was watching the fire and Lily realized with a start that she was watching James with the same smile on her face that he had no his. She started. 'Well,' she said, heart sinking, 'she sounds just about perfect to me,'  
'That's the problem,' James agreed.  
'Why not tell her how you feel? And don't tell me she doesn't know you exist: everyone knows the Marauders,'  
'Ah yes, everyone does. but does she consider me famous or infamous?'  
'Why not ask?' Lily questioned.  
'I, ah, have reason to suspect my feelings are not returned,'  
'And why is that?'  
James only smiled, rather sadly at the fire, not answering the question. Lily felt her stomach sinking. Well, she thought, that is one lucky gal. *  
James wanted to scream. She was so blasted oblivious! This whole situation made him sick! He wanted to yell at her, tell her that he loved her. He turned his head to look at her and she quickly looked away.  
She hates me, James told himself glumly.  
'So, what do you think of Quidditch?'  
'Is that all you talk about?' Lily asked with a smile. Despite the smile, or perhaps because of it, James glared slightly at her.  
'No!' he responded sharply. Lily flinched, perhaps at his tone.  
She opened her mouth, closed it, and finally opened it again, 'are you sure?'  
'Yes, I'm sure! Just because you are below average intelligence doesn't mean that I am! I have absolutely no trouble keeping a conversation going, unlike you. Honestly, you give the worst advice! Not that I expected anything different; its not as though you've ever been in a relationship!'  
He waited for her retort. Her green eyes did not flash in anger. Instead she looked away, stood up, and walked to the girls staircase. James felt like killing himself he had been so horrible. He waited for her to turn around and tell him that she hated him. None of that came. Lily didn't look back, she didn't stop walking, and James didn't call her back.  
Why am I such a terrible person?  
  
*  
  
Okay, so maybe I'm not above feeling. That hurt, you dolt. First I have to sit through listening to you go on and on about how wonderful your little crush is, then you decide now would be the perfect time to rage a little bit on me.  
Of course I've never been in a relationship.  
Nobody would ever want to be in one with me. You've made that perfectly clear.  
Lily allowed her thoughts to yell at James though her mouth didn't. There was a time when she would have been proud at her ability to stay silent, but now, she simply felt horrible. The worst part was that her silence brought no change. He really didn't care.  
She wanted to call him heartless, but she knew that wasn't true. Ah, yes, Lily knew. She had found out last year what he had done for his friend, and Lily knew he wasn't just cruel.  
He just hated her.  
And why not? What was there not to hate about her? Lily normally didn't rag on her appearance, but now she couldn't help it. I'm fat, I've got pimples, my hair is bushy and course, and I'm fat.  
She slumped down on her bed. For once, she didn't cry. She didn't feel like crying. Instead, she felt more along the lines of fading away. She never wanted to see James again. She wished that she didn't know what he had done for Remus. Now she couldn't possibly hate him.  
She put her head in her arms, and tried to fall asleep.  
  
***  
  
James was pacing the common room when Alice and Frank entered, hand in hand. Feeling his stomach drop, James ran over to them.  
'Alice? This is going to sound weird, but I think that something is wrong with Lily,'  
Alice and Fred exchanged amused glances. 'Why do you think that?' Alice asked, not bothering to hide the humor in his words.  
'Well, I, er, well I don't know why, I really don't. We were having a perfectly normal conversation, like she, uh, like we didn't hate each other, and then, wham, I was yelling at her, and. instead of yelling back, she just left,'  
Alice dropped Frank's hand. 'Oh?'  
'She went to her dormitory.'  
Alice started for the stairs, and turned around, glancing at James. 'Well, why did you go and yell?'  
James decided to answer honestly. 'Because she hates me, and I thought she would yell sooner or later.'  
.And because she's just too. Lily. I'm like the boyfriend who dumps his girlfriend because he's afraid she'll dump him.  
Alice gave him a look that reminded him of Lily toned down, and disappeared up the stairs.  
  
*  
  
Lily heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and groaned. She was under the covers with a flashlight and a book, reading and attempting to forget about her life. It wasn't working. In the past few hours, she had read twenty pages. Lily was normally a very fast reader.  
The footsteps came over to her bed, and she felt a pressure at the foot of it as someone sat down.  
'Hey, Lily,'  
It was Alice.  
'How was your date with Frank?' Lily asked, summoning all the cheerfulness that she could into that question. Alice ignored it.  
'Why didn't you yell back?'  
'What?' Lily was stunned. Alice knew, therefore James told her, therefore maybe he felt . sorry?  
'James said you two were talking normally, and that all of a sudden he exploded and you hadn't yelled back. He was. kinda of. upset,'  
Alice sounded puzzled. That was when Lily lost it. Nothing made sense anymore. She started to sob. Alice reached forward to hug her, but Lily was curled up. Alice waited a minute, then, quietly, 'I'll be back later, if you need me,'  
She left.  
Lily knew why, but she was too confused to care. Nothing made sense anymore. She wanted so desperately to hate James, but she couldn't.  
She decided right then to make a pact with herself. She would never be rude to James again. She was sick of lying, sick of pretending.  
Sick of love. 


	4. Chapter 3

What you don't know  
  
Lily was beginning to wish that she had not broken down in front of Alice. She was Lily, Lily Evans. There was only one person able to rattle her. Why did he have to go and do it so well?  
She flopped back on her bed, then sighed, sat back up, and picked up her hairbrush. She shook her hair free from its braid and ran the brush through it, smoothing out all the tangles. Then her fingers moved deftly in rebraiding her long hair. She then grabbed her wand and murmured the charm to remove the red swollen look from her eyes.  
Flipping her braid over her shoulder, she descended the stairs into the common room.  
James lounged in front of the fire, his eyes half-closed. In one corner, Alice and Frank were talking together quietly. Alice looked up and her eyes met Lily's. Lily grinned and gave her the thumbs up sing. Alice smile gratefully and turned back to Frank.  
Ignoring James, though painfully aware of his seat to her left, Lily fled the common room, with slight hopes of coming across Hestia and her mysterious date. Either that or she could go to the library and find a book.  
Pushing the portrait door open, Lily jumped down and closed it with a sigh. She felt alone and lost suddenly, hating herself for fighting with James and hating him for being alive and then hating herself again for liking him.  
Lost in her thoughts, when she rounded an abrupt corner, it did not immediately dawn on her what she was seeing.  
Then everything clicked and she gasped and whirled back around the corner, hand over her mouth. It was Hestia, and-- Lily shook her head. She must have been deceived. Hestia wasn't that foolish. Was she?  
With Hestia occupying the corridor leading to the library, Lily had no choice but to return to the common room. She pushed the portrait open and leaned against it, letting her weight shut it.  
Alice hadnt noticed her come in. Lily didn't want to tell her. Alice was happily in her own world, buoyant and cheerfully flirting and talking with Frank. Lily couldn't bear to intrude on that.  
James had jumped to his feet and was walking over to her.  
'Hey, Evans-' he began, but something in his tone combined with what she had just seen threw Lily into a rage. She forgot the pact she had recently made with herself. It was all she could do to refrain from cursing him into oblivion.  
'What?' she asked coldly.  
He opened his mouth, then shut it and winced. 'I'm-- I didn't mean.'  
'Mean what?'  
'What I said.'  
'Yeah, well it didn't sound that way,'  
'Geez, Evans, I'm trying to apologize!'  
'Well, you aren't very good at it! Oh, I forgot. you NEVER need to apologize! You're JAMES POTTER. star Chaser, smartest student, hot-shot! Why would YOU need to apologize!'  
'Hah, jealous Evans?'  
'No, because at least I have friends!'  
'So do I!'  
'At least mine want to be around me for reasons that have nothing to do with how popular I am!'  
'Evans.' James growled warningly.  
'But no, you can't even call me by me real NAME. Lily? Remember! No, I don't suppose you would!'  
'What's your problem?'  
'You!' Lily shouted, throwing her hands up in despair and flinging herself onto the couch, her green eyes flashing as she stared into the flames. James opened and closed his mouth, something Lily would have found hilarious if she had been watching him. 'Freak,' James muttered finally and stalked into the boys dormitories.  
'Lily?' said a voice from the portrait hole. Lily turned around to see Hestia standing at the door, looking confused.  
'Hey, Hestia, how was your big date?'  
'Can you tell us who it was finally?' Alice added.  
Disgusted, Lily shook her head. 'No, its okay. if Hestia doesn't want to tell us, we'll live. though not as happily..'  
Hestia and Alice grinned, and Hestia bounced over to join them. 'I wont tell who, but I will tell you that he's amazing!' she announced happily. Lily smiled painfully.  
'That's great, Hesita.' Alice said, oblivious to Lily's fake smile.  
  
*  
  
A piece of parchment landed on Lily's desk in potions, startling her from her furious note taking. Glaring about the classroom, she looked to all her friends, trying to see who had given her the note. She glanced at the Marauders, her eyes glazing over James, when something in his eyes made her look again. It had been him, she was sure of it.  
'No,' she mouthed. 'Evans,' he mouthed back but she merely shook her head. 'We're going to get in trouble, you conceited little-' she began, then realized that she was talking aloud and winced. 'Miss Evans!' came the sharp voice of their Potions teacher, Madame Zinc. Lily winced and sat up guiltily. 'Are you and Mr Potter having a good conversation?'  
'Actually,' Lily short James a sore look, 'we weren't. Sorry to provide a disappointment,'  
'It isn't,' Madame Zinc drawled, and Lily giggled in spite of herself. 'Is that funny to you?' she asked, her thin eyebrows knitting together. Lily nodded.  
'You don't even pretend to like me!' she exclaimed, then decided that as long as she was going to get a detention, she might as well earn it. She jumped to her feet. 'I mean, is that really fair? It was all Potter-- well, no. I can't say that I blame him. Well, actually. anyway, class, is that fair, I ask you? This is the most horrible class, with a horrible teacher, horrible people in the class. and by that I mean, whose idiotic idea was it to put Slytherins with the Gryffindors? That's just insane!' she shook her head. Madame Zinc eyed her angrily.  
'Is that all?'  
Lily pretended to think this over. 'Yeah. wait. Gryffindors rule! Okay, done,' she smiled charmingly. She chanced a glance at the Marauders, and when she saw Remus, Sirius, Peter, and even James laughing, she couldn't help but brighten her grin.  
'Then I think your presence is required in the Headmasters office,' Madame Zinc said in her usual drawl though her eyes were glittering with anger. 'Oh, and detention for the following week!'  
'That is completely out of order!' Lily yelped, before she could help herself. Detention for a week? She had never been assigned that before! She would miss Quidditch practice! Jenn would kill her! Wincing, Lily sat slowly back down. 'Sorry,' Lily said with gritted teeth. Madame Zinc smirked, until Lily added mockingly, 'Madame,'  
'You are dismissed!' Madame Zinc said through squinted eyes. Lily stuffed her book back into her bag, collapsed her cauldron, and threw her quill into the bag. Then she slid from the chair and walked slowly to the door, feeling the eyes of almost every class member on her. Reaching the door, and extended her hand to open it, and then thought better of it.  
Whirling around she bowed to the class and then fled. *  
Sirius grinned brightly as James. 'Dang, that was priceless! When Lily decides to get a detention. and it was your entire fault, too! Go Prongs! She'll hate you forever thanks to that one,' he chuckled. James glared at him.  
'Yeah, I know,' he said. So thanks a lot for reminding me, he added silently. 'And she was right, you know, Jenn IS going to kill her,'  
'Eh, Jenn will get over herself,'  
'Over herself? This is Quidditch, Sirius! She can't. just. get over Quidditch!'  
'Is that all you talk about? Quidditch?'  
'You're a fine one to talk,' James muttered, thinking of Lily's comment.  
'I was joking, James, joking,' Sirius said with a frown. James sighed, and shook his head.  
'I'm sorry, it's just.'  
'MR POTTER! Do you have something to share with the entire class?' Madame Zinc yelled, standing over him. James jumped at having her so unexpectedly close. 'Detention!' she screeched, and James winced. Before he had a chance to react, let alone defend himself, Zinc was striding to the front of the room, her brown eyes glittering maliciously.  
'Now, please continue to take notes through page 116. You will be tested in a week. Potter, tonight at 7. Please bring Evans with you,'  
  
~~  
  
Sorry that this was so short! I'm so stuck here. anyway. next chapter will be their detention and then some stuff about the ball. WHO WILL THE GO WITH? hahahha. (that being evil laughter...)  
  
yes.. so please review! sorry I'm so slow at getting things posted.. I have so much schoolwork! insane teachers.  
  
arod 


	5. Chapter 4

I just realized that I never put a disclaimer in here. sorry!  
  
Disclaimer: Roses are red Violets are blue Me no own So you no sue  
  
disclaimer: hah, that isn't even my disclaimer. I liked it though. and it's going to have to do for the rest of the story! Everyone can simply see chapter 4 for it!!!  
  
oh, and thank you SO much to everyone who reviewed! you guys rock. Felicity- yeah, I sort-of caught that, but then. I'm not sure. heh, I guess it just confused me. anyway, thanks so much! L/J fics rock. And I'm REALLY sorry that this took me FOREVER to get up. I've been wicked busy, and then the holidays are suddenly upon us, and now I have some more free time. so here you go!  
  
What you don't know  
  
Lily sat herself at the Gryffindor table for lunch across from Hestia and Alice, rolling her eyes. 'I don't believe Zinc! I spent the rest of that period in the library, doing the blasted essay she assigned due tomorrow. I mean, I can't even do it tonight, what with my blasted detention!'  
Hestia and Alice exchanged looks. 'What?' Lily asked, annoyed.  
'Nothing,' the exclaimed at the same time.  
'Sure,' Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously.  
'So who are you going to the ball with, Lily'?' Alice asked hastily.  
'I don't know. what about you?'  
'Frank. are you going with your "mystery man", Hess?' Alice asked, turning to Hestia. She blushed and nodded.  
'So, that leaves you Lils.?'  
'Oh, I may just go solo,' Lily shrugged.  
'What? Why?'  
'I don't think there's anyone in this school I'd really like to go with.' Lily explained in a casual manner.  
'You're lying,' Hestia proclaimed, studying Lily carefully, who glared back.  
'Well, maybe the person I like wouldn't want to go with me ever, and I'm just not lucky and beautiful and amazing like you two so I don't just get dates easily, so lets not pick on me, okay?' Lily snapped, not caring that she was taking her anger and frustration out on her two best friends.  
They exchanged looks once more, and Lily did her best to ignore them, shoveling the last of her food into the mouth. Without another word she stood up and exited the great hall, flinging her bag over her shoulder and not looking back.  
  
*  
  
'STOP!' James yelled in frustration. 'I don't want to go with anyone!'  
'Liar,' Remus said, looking up from his book. James narrowed his eyes.  
'No, I'm not.. I want to go with one person, and she doesn't have the biggest crush on me ever, so, I'm sorry-- I'll go stag on this one,'  
'Hey. Prongs. going stag.' Sirius grinned cheerfully. Remus snorted and James glared at him.  
'Not funny, Padfoot,' he told Sirius.  
'I thought that it was,' Sirius mock-pouted. James rolled his eyes.  
'Look, I'm going to go finish some homework. Stupid Zinc, assigning me a detention,'  
Remus and Sirius exchanged looks, Sirius' a little too gleeful.  
'What?' James queried sullenly.  
'Nothing,' they chimed together. James groaned and left the common room in a hurry, not caring that he had left behind his bag.  
  
Not caring, that is, until he was somewhere in the maze of Hogwart's corridors and had no way of doing his homework. Therefore, he reasoned, it wasn't hurting anyone for him to slip outside and go for a walk.  
  
*  
  
Lily couldn't concentrate. Nothing grated on her nerves like being unable to finish schoolwork. The library had never seemed so small and noisy, the people so petty. She wanted to get out of here, and she reasoned it was okay because she wasn't getting any work done anyway.  
She stuffed her books into her bag and fled.  
  
Unconsciously, she made her way outside. 'Maybe I can do some work outside or something,' she muttered to herself. She sat down under a large beech tree, pulling out a textbook and attempting to read.  
'This is so stupid,' she told herself.  
  
*  
James didn't want to meet anyone as he wasn't feeling very social. He made his way to the beech tree situated near the lake. Spotting a red- headed person, he climbed the tree in a hurry, not wanting to be seen,  
The person came closer, entering his field of vision, and sat down. 'Crikey,' James murmured. 'Lily!'  
She pulled out a textbook, and flipped through it absently. Then she closed it with a snap, muttering something to herself. James pulled his wand from his pocket and muttered a listening charm.  
Lily lay down beneath the tree, her green eyes staring up into the leafy boughs above her. The same leafy boughs that James was sitting in right now. If she saw him, there would be murder. she would hate him forever. and yet, he had no choice but to stay here.  
Lily's eyes suddenly narrowed suspiciously and she jumped up. 'You DORK!' she cried, and James felt his stomach jump. Crikey, he thought, she meant me! 'Come down RIGHT now!'  
James lowered himself from this tree, his head bowed, partly from shame and partly as protection from the spells or fists he was sure were going to come hurling at him. Lily, however, seemed too mad for this.  
'You idiot! What is this, spy on Lily time? Can't I go ANYWHERE, and get ANY peace without YOU interrupting it! Why are you always there? It's like you're stalking me!'  
James felt the familiar fury rise up inside of him. 'You are SUCH a hypocrite! Calling me conceited, acting as though I think that everything happens to me and because of me! Look at you, listen to yourself for once! Just because I HAPPEN to be in a tree- obviously before you even get there- you decide that I'm spying on you! What, do you think I like you or something? Why on earth would I stalk YOU? If I wanted to stalk someone, trust me-' James came abruptly to a halt. Merlin, he was an idiot. Why did he say these stupid things? Why, why, why? Especially when he didn't mean any of it! Okay, well, It was frustrating that she called him conceited and then acted like the world was revolving around herself, and it was embarrassing that she thought he was spying on her, but, honestly- why did he have to go on so much?  
'Yes?' Lily questioned, her voice soft and dangerous. James winced, wishing he could apologize and take it all back, take everything back, and then change schools to avoid the acute embarrassment he was already beginning to feel. No, James Potter was proud, for better or for worse, and he would not apologize. Not yet.  
'If,' he began, 'I wanted to stalk someone, I might choose someone who appreciated it more,'  
That seemed, to him, like something that could get them out of this mess and end the argument. But either Lily was enjoying this, or she was too used to taking everything he said in the worst way.  
'Appreciated it? And you call ME conceited! Who on earth would appreciate being stalked by YOU? You're pathetic, Potter! An absolute disgrace to the wizarding population!'  
'At least I'm PART of the wizarding population,' James snapped, regretting his words as they left his mouth. Crap, crap, crap-- I DIDN'T MEAN THAT! he wanted to yell. But he didn't. Couldn't.  
Lily went white. Her eyes bore into him, and her face showed she was absolutely disgusted. He couldn't agree more. That comment was completely below him. Instead of yelling back, Lily turned on her heel and left, her robes billowing out behind her and her braid whipping to the side. James sank to the ground beneath the tree.  
'You left your book,' he whispered. 'And I'm sorry. Really, really sorry,' * * *  
Sirius was attempting to make it through the assigned chapter for homework. Normally, he never bothered with the stuff, but Moony had bet him ten galleons that Sirius couldn't go all his homework for a week, and Sirius was up to it. Not that it was intellectually beyond him, but some of his muggle friends had told him he had ADD. Sirius wasn't sure what that was, but Lily (with a roll of her eyes) had mentioned something about attention. And a lack of it.  
Whatever, that suited him. Prongs often said (in a frustrated voice and an eye roll to challenge Lily's) that Sirius had the attention span of a fly. On his good days.  
Was there something so wrong with liking adventure? In hating to be locked up? Classrooms could be torture for him. an hour, sometimes more, on the SAME subject? It was his DUTY to make things more interesting, both for himself and for the class.  
Well, that was how he saw it.  
The door to the boys dormitory (in a desperate effort to save his reputation, Sirius had fled from the common room while he did his homework. The stunned expressions and mock (or so he hoped) faints did the job well enough) swung open and Prongs walked in, his face as pale as that one time Sirius had told Snape about the way to stop the Willow from whomping and when to go and how it would help Snape, and that really was stupid and Prongs had gone all white just like now and he hadn't talked to Sirius for a month, because he was so mad and---  
Is it possible, he wondered, to have run-on thoughts?  
Dang it, Prongs still looked upset. Probably has to do with Lily, Sirius thought with a snicker. Those two were hilarious, fighting like cats and dogs. Actually, Pronsg was the stage, and not the dog. Sirius was the dog, but he didn't really fight with the girl. So that metaphor was out-- Prongs didn't even grace him with a glare. Crap, something's up.  
'Prongs, mate, what is it?  
Prongs just sank to his bed, putting his head in his hands. 'Well,' he muttered to the floor (Sirius scooted quickly over to listen) 'Evans and I both agree on something,'  
'What, that her name is Lily?' Wormtail piped up from his bed. Sirius glared at him. Did that guy have ANY idea of when things were important?  
'No,' Prongs scowled. 'That I'm a complete and utter idiot and should be killed,'  
'Well, we all knew Lily already thought that, but when did you?' Sirius asked, trying to make his best friend laugh. Prongs didn't even look up.  
'A few minutes ago. When I practically called her a mudblood,'  
'What?' Moony looked up in shock. 'Practically?'  
'Well she said that I was a disgrace to the wizarding population and then I said that at least I was part of the wizarding population, and, um, yeah,' he ended lamely.  
Sirius whistled. 'Wow, mate. That's low. I'd say you owe her an apology- and tonight's detention is the very time to do it, eh?'  
Prongs froze. Apparently, he had forgotten about the detention and the "quality" time Lily and he would have together. Maybe, Sirius thought, they would be lucky and get assigned something they could do separately.  
But he doubted it. 


	6. Chapter 5

Okay, wow, so happy holidays everyone! I'm sorry I really take FOREVER to update... please review! hahha... and not even a happy holiday. er. we could pretend that I mean St Patricks day, and just a wee bit early... so enjoy!!! and PLEASE review!!!  
  
What You Don't Know  
  
Lily threw her books into her shoulder bag. 'Right, well, I don't know when I'll be back, so wish me luck,'  
'Yeah,' Alice grinned, 'you'll need it,'  
'I know,' Lily muttered dryly. 'I know the odds are against me, but I shall return! It is my promise!' She threw her arms out dramatically.  
'See ya later,' Hestia looked up, smiling over her Herbology textbook. Though smart, Hestia had always loved plants. Lily thought she definitely spent too long on her Herbology homework.  
'Thanks for the sympathy,' Lily mock-glared and then turned and ran from then room. It really wouldn't do to be late for her detention. Once outside she entertained thoughts of turning back and saying something about the stupidity of James, but thought against it.  
She decided to break the stupid pact she had made with herself. James wasn't worth it. Anyway, she had already insulted him, and she might as well get the pleasure of making him miserable.  
Well, she amended, sort-of miserable. She didn't really fancy the idea of him being completely miserable.  
So just make him miserable enough, she told herself.  
  
*  
  
James was taking his time, walking leisurely along the corridor to the potions room, where Madame Zinc was waiting. His detention was supposed to start in five minutes, but James wasn't worried.  
Not about detention.  
Lily, being Lily, was most likely already there. Which meant he would have to face her right away. And so far, every apology that crossed his mind was stupid. If anything, they would make Lily hate him more than she already did.  
If that was possible.  
He could always go down on his knees and recite poetry. Or Shakespeare. But he didn't know any good poems off the top of his head and he was hopeless at writing it, and Shakespeare was a Muggle thing so she might think he was making fun of her for being a Muggle, or think he was trying to impress her- which he was, but never mind- or maybe...  
Maybe, James thought dully, he could just pretend it hadn't happened. Lily probably didn't even remember... right?  
Or, he could always say that he was sorry and he didn't mean it and he didn't know what came over him- spur of the moment type thing- and that he didn't really hate her, and could she please forgive him?  
No, he wanted to apologize in a way that made Lily forgive him, not in a way that made a fool out of himself.  
But maybe that wasn't possible.  
  
*  
  
'Two minutes,' Lily gasped. 'Stupid detention starts in TWO minutes,'  
James, of course, had been supposed to tell her about the detention, but he hadn't. Instead Hestia had relayed the message, when Lily had made her way to the girls dorm, fuming about James. She wouldn't tell her friends what James had said, but it was clear nonetheless that it hadn't been about a detention.  
Now she had two minutes to get to the dungeons, and if she was late-- Lily didn't want to think of the consequences. She didn't mind getting attention, or getting in trouble, but if she got more detentions-- it would interfere with Quidditch, homework, her social life--  
Lily had to laugh at that last one. 'Yeah, wouldn't want to miss out on one of those many dates,' she muttered.  
She whirled around the next corner, quite determined not to be late. She was so close to the dungeon-  
-She crashed into something hard, sending her sprawling across the corridor floor. There was another thud as the thing she had crashed into fell to the floor as well. Lily opened her mouth to aplologize, seeing that it was in fact, a person. But then the person got to his feet, dusting off his robes and turned around.  
'I'm really-' he began, then stopped. Lily's mouth also froze open.  
She was NOT going to apologize to James Potter.  
Instead she got off the ground and ran the last few feet to the door, flung it open and shot James one last glare. That seemed to shake him to his senses, for he sprinted into the dungeon.  
'Right on time,' Madame Zinc hissed as the door thudded shut.  
Lily sighed. Too bad about that-- it would have been nice to see James get another detention.  
He was staring at her, that much she knew. She also knew he wanted to apologize. But there was no way she would just accept it. No, he had to make it good.  
Madame Zinc was explaining their detention. They would be cutting up and bottling potion ingredients. Sounded thrilling.  
'I will be back in a few hours to release you,' Zinc concluded with a menacing glare. She swept imperiously from the dungeon.  
Lily mentally cursed her for not forbidding them from talking. She carefully avoided James' eyes as she glanced down at the mound of plants in front of her. She picked up the knife and sat down, still not saying a word. She was not going to make this at all easy for him. Hah.  
'Lily--' he tried.  
'I have a knife, James, so shut up,'  
'Lily, I'm--'  
'And I'm not joking James,'  
'Lily, I'm real--'  
'James!' she growled.  
'REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY SO SHUT UP AND LET ME APOLOGIZE!' he exploded.  
'I DIDN'T ASK FOR AN APOLOGY FROM YOU! I DON'T EVEN WANT ONE!'  
'YES YOU DO!'  
'WHAT? WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?'  
'Er--' James turned red. He hadn't meant to say something like that. 'Because!' he cried. Lily rolled her eyes.  
'I still have a knife, James, so leave me alone,'  
'Lily?'  
'WHAT?'  
'When I say sorry, I mean sorry in the sorriest of ways,'  
Lily turned to face him, but he was giving her puppy dog eyes, and she was shocked. 'James!'  
'What?'  
'Just... stop!'  
'Why?'  
'Because you're.... annoying... that's why!'  
'You're not really mad are you?'  
Lily thew the knife onto the table and buried her head in her arms. 'Why me?' she moaned. James cautiously came closer, very wary of just how close that knife hilt was to her fingers...  
He crouched beside her. 'You aren't really mad at me,'  
'What?' He had surprised her into facing him. Her first instinct was to recoil at the nearness of his face to hers, but she refused to back away from him... 'What makes you say that?'  
'You called me James,'  
And everything went reeling inside her head. They had shouted at each other, yes, but- but- he had called her Lily, and she had called him James...  
'Fine. Apology accepted. Now get to work,' she snapped.  
'Yes Ma'am,'  
She turned to glare at him but he was already turned away. She wanted to burst into tears. He had been so close... he was so beautiful... so wonderful... she wanted to be with him more than anything, and she couldn't. He sent her a simpering smile over his shoulder.  
'We're friends!' he announced cheerfully. Lily stared at him.  
'What? James, it takes a lot of butterbeer to get someone acting like this, but knowing the Marauders, you guys got fire whiskey somehow, because this is not-'  
'I'm not drunk,' James told her, still cheerful.  
'Then why are you proclaiming out friendship?'  
'Why can't we be friends?'  
'This from the boy who attacks me the one time I try to be friendly,' Lily muttered sarcastically, refusing to let him see how much he had hurt her, how much he was still hurting her by dangling in front of her how easy it would be for them to be together...  
James winced. 'I really am sorry about that. Can we... move on from there...?'  
'Sure. It's forgotten,'  
'Really?'  
Lily glared at him. James sighed. 'I was afraid it was one of those things,'  
'What of what things?'  
'Those dangerous, sarcastic, girl-mind games,'  
'Uh huh. Well, congratulations, you won the prize. It's one of those things,'  
'I hate girls,'  
'Now is when you see a counselor,'  
'A what?'  
'Never mind,'  
'Fine,' he muttered grumpily. Then he brightened somewhat. 'Is it, perchance, a good thing?'  
'No,'  
His face fell again. 'Why I got my hopes up...' he began. Lily almost smiled, but caught herself. He had been a total jerk to her before. She was not going to give in. Instead she raised her eyebrows at him, and turned her attention back to chopping roots. The pile in front of her seemed normal enough, but as soon as they were cut, the roots had a pungent stink.  
James, too, had finally begun to cut his plants she noticed. They sat opposite each other. James must have felt her eyes on him, because he glanced quickly up. 'Having fun?'  
'Far from it,' Lily told him dryly. James laughed.  
Lily didn't bother to tell him that the joke hadn't been for his benefit. He wouldn't have listened to her anyway.  
She didn't think that he would, at least. But somehow, she suddenly wasn't so sure. All she was really sure of was that James was, most assuredly, an enigma. 


	7. Chapter 6

Okay, wow, so I die for a long time, and then randomly decide to update.. sorry about that.. I've been busy, blahblahblah, more crap about homework and school. I actually doubt that anyone cares, buuuut.. enjoy.....  
  
What You Don't Know  
  
James awoke the next morning with a strange feeling of happiness. Remembering the previous night, and his detention with Lily, he rolled over and grinned into his pillow. He didn't know whether to be embarrassed by his eccentric behavior, or be thrilled that he had talked to her- quite a lot, too.  
A glance out the window told him that it was still early morning. He lay back in bed, content to wait until Sirius woke up, and pass the time by thinking of Lily.  
  
Lily sat on the floor facing Alice and Hestia. 'So,' she began, 'no one commented on my miraculous survival of the detention,'  
Hestia laughed. 'We're very proud of you, Lils. Be sure of that,'  
Lily faked a pained expression. 'You should be! You can't begin to understand the torture that I went through last night! Beyond belief! Indescribable!'  
She placed her hand over her heart and sunk back, sighing desperately.  
Alice rolled her eyes. 'Cut the theatrics, Lily. It's 6 in the morning,'  
'So?'  
'And anyway, we can understand some of the torture. I mean, just because you and Potter have to get into shouting matches anytime you come even close to each other, doesn't mean that the rest of us especially like him.'  
Lily sat bolt upright. 'What?'  
'Well, he can be obnoxious. No one really likes attention grabbers,'  
'I'm an attention grabber,'  
Hestia smiled at her. 'You are. But you do know when to stop, most of the time. Black and Potter have yet to learn that,'  
'And I doubt they ever will,' Alice threw in. When Lily was silent, staring off into space, she frowned slightly. 'Why does that make you so upset?'  
Lily said nothing for a moment, then slowly, 'Maybe I'm a lot like him,'  
'No wonder you can't get along,' Hestia agreed. 'A lot of people have issues hanging out with people just like them. You know- opposites attract?'  
'Some people disagree with that theory. They think that people like to be with people who think along the same lines that they do. It makes a better relationship. I mean, two people are never exactly the same- there's always some differences,' Alice countered. 'And in that case, Lily and Potter should be soul-mates.'  
Alice and Hestia burst into laughter. Lily smiled painfully, then attacked them with a pillow. 'Do you mind?' she shrieked. 'The very idea is painful!'  
'But maybe-' Alice gasped between giggles 'I'm right! You- should have seen- James, the other-- night-- All worried about making you upset!' Her laughter increased. Lily frowned.  
'So, what, Potter fancies me?'  
'Of course,' Hestia assured her, then snorted loudly. Hestia very rarely snorted. Lily wondered if it was the early morningness, or merely the idea of her and James as a couple. It was something she would rather not ponder.  
Alice, seeing Lily's face, sobered up. 'No, really, Lils- we're on your side. Potter is a jerk. I mean, he made you cry! That takes a lot,'  
Lily almost winced, but caught herself. The though that Alice had really no idea flashed through her mind. She was pathetic.  
Hestia, however, still had a smirk on her face. 'You know, Lily, love and hate are a lot alike-- maybe all these pent up emotions for Potter have to manifest themselves somehow-- and they do so in the form of yelling!'  
Lily stared at her, then rolled her eyes. 'You are a loser, Hess,'  
Hestia snorted. 'That wasn't a denial?'  
Lily raised her eyebrows. 'You want denial? How about- no, no, no, No, NO, NO!'  
Alice was smirking now. 'Liar,'  
Lily glared at them. 'Whatever. You guys are losers--' She flashed them a quick smile to show that she was kidding, and walked towards their dormitory door. 'See ya at breakfast?'  
And, not knowing why, she headed down to the Common Room.  
  
James was staring into the fire. He had tried to close his eyes and peacefully think of Lily, but Wormtail's snoring really got distracting, so he had moved his meditation down into the Common Room. The flames leapt and cracked in a relaxing way, despite the morning rays the glimmered in from the window. It was one of the best things about Hogwarts, James thought: the fire that always blazed in the Common Room.  
Although, he told himself, the real best thing was Lily. Lily Evans.  
Hearing footsteps, he glanced lazily over his shoulder, and saw-- his eyes widened-- Lily.  
Wordlessly, she sat down on one of the chairs opposite him. She didn't seem to find the situation remotely awkward. But James was stuck.  
'Er-' He cleared his throat. Lily glanced towards him, her green eyes reflecting the flickers in the flames. The words died inside him. He remembered the previous day, this time with twinges of guilt. 'I'm really, really, REALLY sorry,' he said suddenly.  
Lily looked surprised. 'What?'  
'For- for the insult. Yesterday? I really didn't mean it. See, I have this problem, being that every time I open my mouth, words come out that I really don't mean, and then I get in trouble, only, right now I really do mean to say this, except not the way I am, I mean, I should be begging your humblest pardons, but instead I'm rambling on and I don't know. Um. So I'm sorry. About being a jerk the day before and yelling randomly, because sometimes things upset me and it isn't exactly what's on the surface, and then for the note, that got you a detention, and then for the stupid, stupid comment that I didn't mean, and I know we sort of parted on good terms, yesterday night, but sometimes late at night, lack of sleep does things to your brain, so maybe you weren't thinking. And so now that we're awake, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I really, really am.'  
James took a deep breath. He had to resist the urge to add that he COULD apologize. He realized that would ruin everything he had said. Which hadn't come out the right way anyway, but was better than usual.  
Lily was thinking over what he had said. 'You're forgiven,' she said slowly. 'I think I understand. A lot of the time, things come out of your head that you didn't know were even in there. Because a lot of the time, things are deeper than they are on the surface, and no one really knows that, except you, and then you can't explain, sometimes, because sometimes the explanation would be-- inconceiable,'  
James nodded. 'Yeah, people can be really stupid,'  
Lily laughed softly. 'That attitude will get you far in life,' she observed.  
James glared at her, but mockingly. 'Well, fine, I'll try to remember that,'  
Lily smiled at him-- at HIM-- James felt his heart stop--- 'Good for you,' she said. And James was completely speechless. And neither of them minded the comfortable silence that ensued.  
  
Okay, sorry. That was short, but my parents need the computer. I'll update later. Cheers. 


	8. Chapter 7

Thanks for reviewing. So-- I'll try to meet some suggestions. They were good ones-- thanks. Things will be happening, I promise-- eventually. (smiles) ---Anyway. I know they don't do much beside classes, studying, and homework, but that's mainly because it's school, and that's what you do in school, so I was trying to be realistic. But I know that gets boring, and old, so don't worry- the ball and Christmas holidays are coming up soon. And Hogsmeade in this chapter!  
  
What You Don't Know  
  
Sirius Black woke up earlier than he usually did. Sirius didn't like being up early- it was unnatural, in his opinion. But when he glanced at the clock, it read 7:00. Remus and Peter's hanging were still drawn closed, but James' were open. Sirius smirked to himself.  
James wasn't usually an early riser either.  
Sirius dragged himself out of bed. He didn't bother to thrown on robes; Sirius could care less who saw him in a t-shirt and boxer shorts. He wouldn't get in trouble for it either- he was far too charming.  
As he walked down the dormitory stairs, he wondered idly where Prongs had run off to. It wasn't likely to be the kitchen- breakfast was in an hour, after all. Although- the thought of the kitchens made his stomach growl. It wasn't a bad idea.  
He paused as he reached the bottom of the staircase, and saw, to his amazement, the fire blazing- and Lily sitting in one armchair, with-- Prongs across from her? Sirius grinned with a rather wicked boyish delight.  
'GOOOOD morning!!' he announced cheerfully, bounding over to the fire. Prongs jumped, and Lily came close to falling out of her chair.  
'Padfoot!' James muttered, glaring at him. 'You idiot.'  
Lily was half-glaring at him. 'You almost gave me a heart attack,'  
Sirius flashed her a charming smile. 'My utmost apologies, Lillian darling. You too just looked too comfortable,'  
Lily and James, Sirius noted with satisfaction, both turned red.  
'You take pleasure in killing other peoples comfort, don't you?' Lily asked, rolling her eyes.  
There was a slight pause. 'Is that-- wrong?'  
Lily smiled. Sirius grinned back at her, then turned to James. 'Sooo. Just what were the two of you doing, down here, early in the morning, alone, a fire blazing romantically in front of you--'  
'Talking,' James said, at the same moment that Lily replied with:  
'Nothing,'  
The two of them glared at each other.  
A grin spread farther across Sirius' face. 'Well, well, well. The first rule, Prongs, and Lily, my love- is to always agree on an excuse beforehand. It's no use if your stories don't hold up under interrogation,'  
Lily rolled her eyes again. It was an expression that Sirius tended to put on people's faces. 'The first rule of what, exactly?' she asked, raising her eyebrows.  
James looked pained.  
'The first rule of sneaking out to snog--'  
'Whoa!' James interrupted. 'We weren't snogging,'  
'Yeah!' Lily agreed, with an almost devilish smile. 'And we didn't sneak out,'  
'That's because the Common Room was conveniently empty,' Sirius added. Lily almost groaned.  
'You're such a pain, Padfoot,'  
Sirius loved hearing that. Somehow, it always made him proud. 'I know, my dear fellows,' he cried, throwing his arms out. 'Now what do the two of you say to accompanying me to the kitchens for some food?'  
'Sirius! It's almost breakfast!'  
Lily was greeted with another pause.  
'And so... ? We shouldn't eat? We should STARVE ourselves?'  
'Sirius, my dear, I hardly doubt that you are anywhere close to starving, in any sort of way,'  
Sirius fell down on the floor, clutching his stomach, and groaning. 'Empty,' he managed to gasp out. Lily started to roll her eyes, caught herself, and stopped. Sirius frowned. He liked to attract a reaction. That in mind, he grabbed at Lily's ankles. 'My love- Lily-- Please... I need... Food...'  
Lily, never one to pass of on dramatics, bent down to wrap her arms around his head. 'No! Live! Live!'  
'Then get me food,' Sirius told her, faking annoyance. Lily smiled, then patted him on the head.  
'Then stand up, kiddo,'  
'Kiddo?' James echoed.  
'I'm older than you!' Sirius whined.  
'No!'  
'I was born in October,'  
'So? I was born in April,'  
'I'm 17!'  
Another pause. 'You are older than me,'  
'Hah!' Sirius jumped up and danced in a circle. 'I'm older than you are! I'm older than you are!' he sang. Lily eyed him warily.  
'Sometimes I worry,' she said, then stopped herself with a shake of her head. Sirius loved being the center of attention.  
'Woof,' he exclaimed happily.  
James and Lily just stared.  
  
Lily was eating breakfast later that morning, sitting with Hestia and Alice. She had declined Sirius adamant invitation to the kitchens, and had instead returned upstairs to her dormitory, where she had joined her friends, not mentioning the amusing episode with Sirius. Nor, for that matter, James' apology.  
Watching Sirius shovel food into his mouth, she wondered if he had indeed made a trip to the kitchens. If he had, she was absolutely disgusted. She watched him for another moment. No, take that back- she was absolutely disgusted as was.  
'Hey! Earth to the Lily! Helloooo!' Alice waved a hand in front of Lily's eyes. Lily jumped.  
'Whoa. What was that for?'  
'Hello! You weren't listening to me obsess about the urgency of finding dress robes at Hogsmeade tomorrow!' Alice put on a fake girly voice.  
'Ah. Too bad they were on the list thing so we already have them,' Lily rolled her eyes.  
'Duh. The important thing is: why on earth were you staring at your boyfriend?'  
Lily looked confused. 'I don't have a boyfriend. And if I did, wouldn't I be allowed to stare at him?'  
Hestia grinned at Alice. 'She just won that one, sweetheart,'  
Alice frowned. 'Fine. Then why were you staring at James Potter, Quidditch Star, and top of our classes?'  
'He isn't. I beat him in charms and astronomy, and Snape beats us both in potions,'  
'You dork. You're ignoring my question.'  
Lily smirked. 'I am the master!'  
'Just answer the question. I swear you were looking at Potter,'  
Lily rolled her eyes. It was a habit she hated, but something that was impossible to break. 'I wasn't.'  
'You were,'  
'I was looking at Sirius,'  
'Well, that's no good. He's not your soul mate,'  
'What?'  
'That's Potter,' Hestia explained.  
'You guys are on drugs,'  
'Say what?' Alice questioned.  
'Were you two drinking Fire Whiskey last night?'  
'Lily, the one time I've EVER been drunk was in fourth year, when you wanted to get back at Potter, and bought a lot of fire whiskey, and made him drink it, and then when he didn't care, you were upset, and then when I told a Professor, you were even more upset, and poured some in my goblet, and I had to go to the hospital wing and didn't find out what you had done until two months later when you had a sudden guilt trip and confessed,'  
Lily frowned. 'I never confessed,'  
'She's right,' Alice put in. 'I told you, that one time I was upset at Lily,'  
Lily continued to frown. 'Why were you upset with me?'  
Alice blushed. 'You talked to Frank a lot,'  
'Oh. That's because he held a grudge against Potter for the time he- well, never mind- and so he was helping me plan revenge,'  
'So, basically, Lily, all the times we've ever been upset with you, were because of Potter,'  
'See why I don't like him?'  
The three girls laughed, and made their way out of the Great Hall for breakfast, but Lily was still thinking something over. Thinking about when she had met, James, and how their problems had started...  
  
The next morning, the three girls were eager to get to Hogsmeade. Christmas was coming fast, and this was their last chance to get some Christmas shopping done. Plus, there was the ball coming up, and they had high hopes of perhaps finding something to accompany the dress robes they had.  
Lily was in fine spirits. She had gotten a transfiguration exam back the day before, and had earned full marks. Potions had passed without incident, and she hadn't had a fight with James at all. Things were looking up.  
In fact, only two things troubled her: the ball, and the upcoming Christmas holidays.  
Lily loved her parents. They got along pretty well, most of the time. It was her sister that was the problem. Growing up, the three-years-older Petunia had been jealous of a little sister who had seemingly gotten away with everything. But that, Lily reasoned, was normal. After all, most older siblings harbored at least some jealously for younger ones. But as the years past, the conflict has escalated past normal sibling rivalry. The two girls were as different as night and day, and this merely became more and more apparent as time passed.  
Lily had red hair, Petunia had blonde. Lily was short, Petunia was tall. Lily was funny, Petunia hated being embarrassed. Lily didn't care what she wore, Petunia desperately fit in.  
Petunia had taken ballet and gymnastics; Lily had ridden horses and read books. Petunia went to concerts and went out with her first boyfriend at eleven. Lily had still never been to a date, and had only gone to one concert; the previous summer, with a group of old friends.  
But then, there was the biggest spit of all: Lily was a witch, Petunia was a muggle. And what was more, Lily's parents were brimming with pride for their youngest daughter, a clever young witch, who was their connection to a world that they had never dreamed of.  
And Petunia despised her now.  
Lily's thoughts were wandering as she and her friends got into a carriage that would bring them to Hogsmeade. She thought of the upcoming ball with a slight feeling of dread in the bottom of her stomach.  
She knew that Alice had a date in Frank Longbottom, the boy she'd had a crush on since third year. Hestia hadn't mentioned a date, but Lily wasn't sure--  
That left Lily alone. Lily hated to be alone. And yet, she hated the idea of going to the ball with anyone but James. And furthermore, it wasn't as if anyone had asked her. There wasn't any option other than to go alone. But that wasn't the worst thing. Lily might still enjoy herself, despite being a terrible dancer.  
No, the worst thing would be to see James on a date with someone else, enjoying himself with some other girl. Lily thought of the girl he had described to her. Maybe he would ask her out. And of course she would say yes. Who wouldn't?  
'Lily, are you sure you're okay? You keep zoning out on us,'  
'What? Oh, I'm fine, fine, fine-- Just thinking about the upcoming break,' Lily grimaced.  
Alice smiled sympathetically. 'You should come visit me. My parent's wouldn't mind a bit. They think you're the most charming witch in the world.'  
Lily laughed. 'Doesn't everyone?'  
'Everyone who hasn't shared a dorm with you for six years,' Hestia giggled.  
'Are you saying I'm hard to live with?' Lily mocked.  
Alice smiled fondly at her friend. 'Not at all, Lily, not at all,' There was a slight pause, and then: 'So, dates for the ball, anyone?'  
'Of course not,' Lily said absently. 'And didn't we already discuss this?'  
'Of course,' Alice said. 'But we're girls. We discuss the same things a lot.'  
They looked at Hestia. 'Well-' she began. Lily looked at her critically. 'Yes. But I still won't tell you who,' she added in a rush.  
Alice looked hurt. 'Why not?'  
Lily almost opened her mouth, then stopped herself. There was a near awkward pause. 'Is it still the mysterious date you had last trip to Hogsmeade?' she queried.  
Hestia shifted uncomfortably. 'Yes,' she said, and Lily felt her stomach drop.  
'So, Alice- did you see Hestia and her mystery man anywhere while you were out with Frank?' she joked.  
Alice thought about it. 'Nope. But Hestia, we'll see you the night of the ball.... Then you're secret will be out!'  
Hestia and Lily both laughed uneasily. 'Well, then. I just want him to be a surprise.'  
Alice grinned. 'Will we like him?'  
'I do,' Hestia said, and then blushed. Lily frowned.  
'Why?' she asked, trying to make her tone light.  
Hestia thought for a minute. 'He's nice. You might not think it, but he goes out of his way to be nice to me, I think. And He's cute. Very cute. And... I just... Like him?'  
For a moment, Lily wondered if everything would be okay. Maybe Hestia got along with HIM, and maybe HE was nice to her, and maybe it would all be okay. But Lily couldn't quite shake the feeling that it was still dreadfully wrong.  
But then again, she'd had bad experiences with HIM. Maybe that was clouding her judgement.  
Alice sighed. 'He sounds perfect,'  
'Well, what about Frank? Hestia countered.  
Alice smiled happily. 'He's great.'  
There was a silence, but no longer an awkward one, as the carriages pulled into the entrance to Hogsmeade. Students tumbled out, faces red from the cold, shouting eagerly to one another as they flooded the streets.  
Hestia, Alice, and Lily linked arms so they wouldn't lose each other, and made their way to a small bookstore. It was tradition: they always went there first, browsed the old books, and then made their way elsewhere.  
As they pushed the creaky door open, Lily turned to Hestia. 'We'll need to split up, later, guys, because I need to buy you guys presents,'  
Hestia and Alice nodded.  
'And I'm meeting Frank for a butterbeer at 12,'  
Crossing her fingers inside of red mittens, Lily glanced at Hestia. 'And you? Meeting Mystery Man today?'  
'Nope,' Hestia smiled.  
'Great. Then we can grab a butterbeer while the lovers meet, and then move on to search for things, and meet back at 13:00,'  
Alice rolled her eyes. 'Okay, dork,'  
'I like things planned,'  
The three girls knelt down, searching for books. Lily was actually looking for one for Remus. Though she didn't know him too well, she needed to talk with him, and the knowledge that he enjoyed reading would make things easier.  
The store owner, one Mr. Manheim, knew the three girls well, and only appeared once, to ask them if they needed help. When they waved him away, he disappeared to the back of the store.  
After a half-hour, Lily found something that looked perfect. She already had Don Quixote back in her dorm, and she figured Remus wouldn't have ever read the Muggle classic. But this was perfect as well.  
'Found something!' she cried, and help out the book.  
'Monsters: The Story Behind the Fur?' Hestia asked dubiously.  
'Sure. Don't you think it would make a great gift for my darling sister Petty? She wouldn't feel so alone anymore!'  
Lily felt some guilt over lying to her friends. But then again, it wasn't really her secret to hint at.  
'Well, sure,' Hestia grinned. 'But a book about humane werewolves, and their difficulty in--' she glanced down at the cover, and quoted- ' "leading a normal life"?'  
Lily merely laughed lightly and bought the book. When it was safely packaged, the three girls made their way outside. It had begun snowing, and the light wisps danced to the ground, making everything look beautiful. Lily loved the snow. Winter was her favorite time of year.  
'Where to, guys?' she asked, twirling around.  
Her friends laughed.  
'I don't know,'  
'I think Zonko's- I'll find some gift for my little brothers there,' Hestia shrugged.  
Lily jumped up and down in the snow, sticking her tongue out in an attempt to catch the flaked. 'Right you are. Maybe I'll send them a love note,'  
Hestia's brothers, Alden and Aidan, were eight years old, and the cutest things to walk the planet. They were, in Hestia's opinion, terrors as well, but with their brown curls and big eyes, they were absolutely adorable as they did so. In fact, Alice had once commented, after a stay at their friend's house, the twins weren't unlike the Marauders. Lily had shuddered at the thought, and Hestia pretended to be insulted, but it had been the truth.  
Lily was still prancing in the snow when they finally got to Zonko's. Like all the other well-known shops, it was full almost to the brim. The girls glanced dubiously inside. 'Right,' Hestia said. 'I'll run in, find something, buy it, run out,'  
'And we'll wait here,' Alice said.  
'I have great friends,' Hestia grumbled, and pulled the door open.  
'Let's make a snowman!'  
'Lily! There's barely a foot of snow, and that's from last week's snow fall,'  
'So?'  
'So it's gross snow!'  
'I don't care! I want to make a snowman!'  
Rolling her eyes, Alice acquiesced, and Lily squealed happily as she bent down to roll the snow.  
  
The Marauders were, of course, heading to Zonko's. They had entertained themselves with throwing snowballs at third years, but that had gotten boring, or rather, they had accidentally hit a Hogsmeade resident, an old witch with a nasty harelip, and they had decided hastily it was time to get going.  
As they neared Zonko's, they saw two girls making a snowman. It was, of course, Lily and Alice. They stopped to watch for a moment.  
Lily was grinning. James loved it when she grinned. Her red hair was in two braids, and she had a blue hat, pulled low over her ears. A black coat, purple scarf, red mittens- she, he thought with a smile, wasn't taking chances with the cold.  
'Daft,' he heard Peter mutter. 'They're insane,'  
But Sirius was already bounding towards them.  
'A snowman! A snowman!' he cried. 'Can I help? Please!?'  
Lily smiled. 'Fine. But you have to be good!'  
'I'm ALWAYS good,'  
Lily just rolled her eyes. 'Right. So you can make the head,'  
'Do you have coal?'  
Pause. 'No,'  
'Fine. We'll transfigure something,'  
'You'll transfigure something,' Lily corrected. 'That class is the bane of my existence. If I'm not studying, or in the class, I refuse to transfigure ANYTHING,'  
'Wow, Lily, that attitude will get you far in life,' James shot in, echoing her words from the previous morning. Lily shot him an almost-smile from over her shoulder. She recognized them too.  
'Of course it will,' she announced. 'Otherwise I'd die from transfigurationitis,'  
'I like transfiguration. I think it's fun,'  
'Further proof of why you're insane,' was all Lily said.  
'Look! Look! I finished the head!' Sirius exclaimed.  
Lily burst into laughter, and James was sorely tempted to follow his example. Sirius' head was an oddly shaped, lumpy, small ball.  
'The poor snowman,' he murmured.  
'Now, now, James- let's not judge on appearances,' Lily corrected him. James, Remus, and Alice all laughed. 'Now- lift up the torso, okay, Sirius?'  
'Why me?'  
'Because you're a big, strong, man, who likes to be the knight in shining armor for us damsels in distress,'  
'Oh, okay then,' Sirius grinned. He hefted the torso up, and placed it on the snowman. And Lily was grinning at James. And he was grinning back.  
'Oi! Lily!' Alice called, and James almost jumped. Lily's cheeks turned slightly pink, or so he thought- they were already bright red from the cold. But James loved that. He loved the way her red cheeks shone and her eyes glittered with happiness, and she looked happy and alive in the falling snow.  
'What?'  
'Why are you so happy?'  
'Oh, no- the happiness nazi,' There was a pause. 'Okay, muggle thing. Anyway, I love the snow! Why shouldn't I be happy?'  
'Ta da!'  
They all looked over at Sirius, who was grinning proudly beside the rather odd looking snowman. The tiny head looked ridiculous perched upon the body that Alice and Lily had made.  
When the group merely fell into laughter, Sirius looked disappointed. 'What?' he asked, but there was a smile playing about his features.  
Lily jumped up and down, her hair bouncing. 'I'm just happy. It's SNOWING!'  
Alice rolled her eyes. 'You guys should have seen her last week. It was like trying to baby-sit a five year old!'  
Remus and James laughed.  
Lily was twirling about dramatically, her arms widespread. As she attempted another twirl, however, her feet hit a patch of ice. She slipped and fell. Once on the ground, she continued to giggle madly.  
'She's metal,' Sirius said gravely.  
'Shut up, you dolt, and help me up,' Lily said, still giggling. When Sirius held out his hand, Lily grabbed it, and, to James' consternation, pulled him down next to her. Sirius let out a rather un-manly yelp, and cursed Lily.  
It was then that Hestia came out of Zonko's.  
'Hey! I found the perfect gift for my brothers!' she announced, and then stopped, shaking her head at her friends.  
Sirius looked up at her and sent her his famous charming grin. 'Woof,'  
  
Two hours later, Lily was browsing through Honeydukes alone. She hated the idea of getting her friends merely chocolate for Christmas, but she couldn't think of anything else.  
She had looked through various stores, but nothing had leapt out at her. She had bought three humorous Christmas cards- one for her parents, one for Hestia, and one for Alice, and was still searching for presents. For her parents, she had bought a book or poetry during the summer. She was contemplating buying her friends mittens. Lily loved mittens. And scarves, and coats, and hats, and anything that had to do with winter. Wearing them always made her happy.  
It was difficult to find things like that in Hogsmeade, though. Well, normal mittens in any case. And Hestia, at least, was the sort of girl who would only wear normal mittens.  
Lost in her thoughts, Lily was only half-looking at the assorted chocolates, and not paying any attention at all to where she was going. In a crowded store, this was asking for trouble, so Lily was merely rueful when she walked right into someone.  
'Oops. Sorry.'  
She turned around. James. Double oops.  
'Hey. I see you've lost your friends.'  
Lily laughed. 'They abandoned me,'  
'Really?'  
She laughed again, this time at the expression on his face. 'No, we had to split up so we could buy each other gifts,'  
Now James smiled. He had a really nice smile. 'And so you're in Honeydukes?'  
'Well, at the moment, I'm shopping for my boyfriend,' Lily joked.  
James frowned. 'Who is he?'  
Lily almost burst out laughing. 'Oh, you don't know him. He doesn't go to Hogwarts,'  
'Is he a Muggle?'  
'Oh, no. He's fourty,'  
There was a pause. 'Lily-'  
Then she couldn't help it. She burst into laughter. Linking arms with him, she glanced up at him mock-seductively. 'James, love, you really are so gullible,'  
James laughed.  
'I don't think that was funny, Lily,'  
She laughed anyway.  
'So what puts you in such a fine mood?' he asked.  
'Shopping for my boyfriend,'  
This time they both laughed. 'No, really,'  
'Winter! I'm serious! I honestly love everything about it!'  
She had dropped his arm, and was heading towards the door. 'Where are you going? James asked, walking after her. She turned around in the doorway.  
'To look in some other shop where I won't be made fun of,'  
'I was kidding, Lil--'  
'I know, James,' she said, smiling happily at him. And then she turned, and danced into the snowy outdoors once more.  
  
James honestly couldn't believe she had been joking about her boyfriend. Well, not the fact that she was dating a fourty year old wizard, but the fact that she joked about having one. Most girls considered having a boyfriend to be a life or death situation. And she was absolutely amazing. It was a miracle she didn't have a boyfriend already.  
... She didn't have a boyfriend, right?  
James realized that he wasn't sure. Maybe, he told himself, it was a secret relationship. Then he burst out laughing. He was pathetic. Ignoring the odd looks a group of fourth years were giving him, he decided to go grab a butterbeer and hope to meet up with his friends.  
Outside, it was growing dusky. It was still snowing, and the snowflakes looked even whiter against the gray night. James realized he was looking at snow more fondly, now that he knew how Lily felt about it.  
He saw two people, joking about from the looks of it. The smaller one was throwing snowballs at the taller one, and then the taller one pushed the smaller one- a girl, James could see now- into a pile of snow. He could hear faint laugher.  
He took a few more steps, then realized to his surprise, that the taller form was Moony! Moony! He didn't have a girlfriend? Did he? And then, the figure in the snow emerged. Her red hair caught the remaining light, and shone dazzlingly. James was stunned. He'd recognize that figure anywhere. It was Lily.  
  
Lily sputtered as she spit snow out of her mouth. 'Thanks, Remus. There goes your gentleman image,'  
'Oh, I think I'm over it,'  
'I think half the female Hogwarts population would be devastated if I let it slip that you really had an evil, malicious, ugly side to you,' Lily laughed.  
Remus smiled- painfully, Lily noticed, and she regretted her words.  
'Actually, Remus- I wanted, to- talk with you,'  
'And what have we been doing?' he asked, grinning.  
She rolled her eyes. 'No. Seriously.' She could tell that Remus had a witty retort on the tip of his tongue, but he held back. 'I don't know- Well, that is. I feel bad. I know, Remus, and that's why I wanted to talk with you. I don't want to make anything MORE painful for you- that's not why. I just wanted to know, that I've always considered you a good friend. And that's why I wanted to tell you. I still consider you one. Nothing would ever change that.'  
There was a slight pause. 'Can I pretend I don't know what you're talking about?' Remus asked, looking pale.  
Lily smiled at him, and then reached forward to hug him. 'As long as you promise that, deep down, you DO know what I'm talking about,'  
'I do,' Remus said, and then he returned the hug. 'And thank you.'  
Lily grinned.  
'You're a great person, Remus. Don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise. And with that--' she stopped to pick up some snow-- 'I bid you farewell. I must go find my friends,'  
She threw the snowball at him, and dashed off towards the more populated area.  
  
James stepped in front of Lily. 'What was that?' he asked.  
She looked confused. 'What was what?'  
'I didn't know that you and Remus were going out?'  
She was still pretending not to understand him. The jerk. 'I saw you two flirting and hugging over there,'  
Lily turned white.  
'We weren't flirting,'  
'But you WERE hugging?'  
'Yes? But it was- oh, what am I doing?' she frowned. 'Do I need to explain myself to you? Why do you care that I was hugging him? For the record, it was not a girlfriendly thing, but a comfort thing, and anyway, it's none of your business. Why are you acting so upset?'  
'I AM UPSET!'  
'Well, WHY?'  
'You're such a jerk you don't even know!'  
'Me? The jerk?'  
'Yes!'  
Lily looked furious now. 'You're the one who barges up on me, acting like it was a BAD thing that I was comforting your friend! You should be happy!'  
'Happy? For what? Why on earth should it make me HAPPY that you're hugging my best friend?'  
'Because you seemed to think that made me his girlfriend! And if you weren't such a jerk, you would know that you're supposed to be HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE FRIEND HAS A GIRLFRIEND! But I'm NOT his girlfriend! And if you WEREN'T SO SELF-OBSESSED, you'd know that REMUS FANCIES MONICA BURNS! And that they've GONE OUT A FEW TIMES! And that REMUS ISN'T THE PLAYER TYPE!'  
Lily threw up her hands in disgust, and stomped off.  
James watched her go.  
He knew all that. About Monica, and Remus, and- it was just, when it came to Lily, he could never quite think properly.  
  
Hah! That was a long chapter, huh? Feel grateful and review, PLEASE! I even got it up quickly! grins Now you know what to go---- go review, please!!! 


	9. Chapter 8

Hey Guys! Next chapter- coming up! The chapter also has... THE BALL. So let's get ready... cues insane laughter It's also incredibly long. Be grateful. smirks Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, I own nothing, blah blah blah- it's all J.K. Rowlings. I only thought up the plot.  
  
What You Don't Know Chapter 8  
  
When Lily calmed down, and stopped to think about it, she realized that she honestly should be happy. Or, at least, thoroughly confused. James-- Well, what was she thinking? That boy was merely utterly impossible to understand.  
He hated her. He had told her that almost every day, beginning in second year. After that detention together [not even the first they had shared, mind you] they had been friendly, and maybe even- flirty?  
And then, perhaps Lily should be flattered that he cared she was hugging his best friend. Deep down, she did. Of course, he was being completely unreasonable. Even if she had been hugging Remus in a girlfriendly way- which she most certainly was not- there wasn't anything wrong with that. She wasn't dating James!  
Reaching the Three Broomsticks, Lily sat down alone at a table, and pondered the situation some more. Maybe James really, deeply, truly, honestly hated her. And he couldn't stand the idea of his best friend dating her. Lily would be beyond upset if Alice or Hestia started dating James. Of course, that wouldn't be because she hated him.  
The ball was only two weeks away. Christmas holidays began a week after that, and then two weeks later, she would be back at Hogwarts. Two weeks with Petunia sounded like hell. It wasn't as though she had not lived through it before. But last summer had been particularly bad. She had dreaded Christmas holidays starting in September.  
Half of her wondered why she didn't just stay at Hogwarts. But she knew that, although her parents were aware of the situation between the sisters, they still loved Petunia and Lily equally, though Petunia seemed bound and determined not to see it. They wouldn't send Petunia away for the holidays, and they expected Lily to come back and see them.  
They would let Lily go and visit friends, but that, she knew, would be the extent of it. Once, in fourth year, she had pleaded with them to let her stay, but when her parents sounded hurt, she had felt horrible and had changed her mind.  
And the ball. She wondered what it would be like. She had only ever attended one other dance at Hogwarts, and that in her fourth year. Neither Hestia nor Alice had found a date for the dance, so the three friends had a wonderful time together, fooling around, and dancing with a few boys who hadn't bothered to get dates either. But this year, Lily would be alone, and Hestia and Alice wouldn't be there to make her feel better about the situation.  
She tried to remember the last dance. Fourth year. The year she had realized that she liked James. Did he have a date? No. He didn't. Lily remembered watching Remus and James involved in a deep conversation. They were laughing. Remus had pulled James up, and dragged them over to Lily and her friends.  
'Care to dance?' he asked.  
James had looked furious.  
It was when Lily hastily accepted Remus, leaving Hestia to dance with James [Alice had been asked already] that Lily felt a strong pang of jealousy run through her. She couldn't figure it out. She tried to tell herself that she was upset because Hestia was dancing with her biggest enemy- James Potter, for goodness sake. Then she realized she was angry. She was telling herself that Hestia wouldn't have anything to say to James- they had rarely spoken before.  
And then, in quick succession, it all hit her. She wanted James to herself. And not in a shouting-match-hating type way. She liked him. She liked James Potter.  
  
Of course, this realization made her so angry that when James called her carrot-top after that song, she had dumped her drink over him and punched him.  
Oh, right. Then they were both kicked out of the dance.  
Lily was remembering why she didn't like dances.  
'Lily!'  
She glanced up.  
'Hey, Alice!'  
Her friend had pushed her way through the door, carrying several packages and attempting to wave regardless. Lily laughed at her, and got up to help her with her purchases.  
'Find anything cool?'  
'You are absolutely going to LOVE what I got you!' Alice squealed. 'And I wasn't too sure what to get Frank, so I went with a D.A.D.A. book. He loves that kind of stuff. I got Hestia a picture frame. I thought I'd grab a picture of her and Mystery Man at the ball and put that in. What do you think?'  
'I think you're brilliant,' Lily laughed. 'The best Christmas-gift- getter there is!'  
Alice laughed with her. 'So what do you say to two butterbeers?'  
'I say bring them on!' Lily grinned, and waved to the pretty new bartender.  
  
Starting school after a Hogsmeade day always seemed doubly hard. Mondays were torture enough, and when the students had been allowed out of the castle, and with a ball coming up, Lily was surprised the teachers didn't just give up teaching.  
But no- school was almost half over, and fifth and seventh years alike were beginning to have a vaguely panicky look about them as they thought of the approaching tests. Sixth years were feeling pretty lucky, but all had a gloomy sense of doom awaiting them the following year.  
Lily, Hestia, and Alice were no exception. 'They're starting to make me nervous,' Lily said, glancing over her shoulder at a group of seventh years, noses stuck into textbooks. 'I mean, look at Carrie and Emma. They didn't even study for O.W.L's, and they look as though they're about to keel over and die! And it's just December!'  
'I know what you mean,' Hestia agreed. 'So, please- let's not talk about it,'  
Laughing, Alice led the way to their next class- Defense Against the Dark Arts. The three girls all did well in this class, though Lily and James battled for lead in it constantly. The girls all had hopes to become Aurors when they graduated from Hogwarts, and this was one of the most important classes. Of course, all marks were quite important when one was aiming towards such a highly respected profession, but the girls were all smart, and worked hard.  
The week passed without incident. The following Saturday, fourth years and above seemed to be infected with a strange disease. Girls laughed nervously at everything, boys seemed to be going out of their way to avoid any member of the female sex, and prefects- not to mention the Head Boy and Girl- were having breakdowns in the hallway, with the extra duties assigned to them eating up all their time.  
Lily and Remus, being prefects, were among those walking around in a constant state of weariness. 'This is great, ' Lily commented to Remus as they made their way to the Gryffindor common room, late one night. 'It's a good thing I don't have a date, or he'd take one look at the circles under my eyes and cancel the whole thing.'  
Remus laughed. 'I assure you, he would do no such thing. Even when lack of sleep causes your notorious temper to slide, you're charming anyway.'  
Lily smiled at him. 'I might have to take back what I said last week about you not being a gentleman,' she told him. 'I don't know where you picked all those manners up, hanging out with James and Sirius,'  
Remus stopped and looked at her for a moment. 'Do you- do you hate James?' he asked. Lily was completely taken aback. Nobody had asked her that question since- well, since second year. Before she could begin to form an answer, Remus hurried on. 'I know it sounds like a stupid question. And for a long time, I never doubted that you guys did hate each other. But really-- I mean. Around fourth year, it started getting old. I can tell that sometimes you guys really are mad at each other. But when you're not screeching your heads off at each other, you guys get along pretty well.'  
'Aren't we always screeching our heads off at each other?' Lily asked, mainly to stall for time. Both she and Remus smiled at his description.  
'Well- no. The last time was at Hogsmeade, and the last fight before that was only a few days prior to that. And when you aren't yelling, you guys talk nicely- and you flirt,'  
Lily gaped at him. 'We flirt?'  
'Yes,'  
'Well, I-' She couldn't do it. She couldn't lie to Remus. It wasn't because he was her best friend- they were only starting to become good friends. But somehow, lying to Remus just seemed so wrong. Lily couldn't have said why. But there was no way she could tell him that she didn't hate James. 'I don't HATE him hate him. I just... I mean, it isn't anything like how I feel towards people like Snape and Malfoy and Lestrange. People who practice the Dark Arts and hate muggles. I have-- hated James in the past. Sometimes I even had good reason. But you're quite impossible to lie to, Remus Lupin, and therefore I admit: I'd rather not fight with him all the time. But he hates me, so what can I do?'  
Remus smiled gently at her. 'But he doesn't hate you,' he said quietly. He turned to the Fat Lady.  
'Lemon drops,' he said, and the portrait swung open. Remus shot her one last smile, and then disappeared.  
  
Remus Lupin was not a prying sort of person. In fact, he kept to himself quite a lot. He'd only been on a few dates, and those with the same girl, Monica Burns. But he really only had a few friends: the marauders, and now it looked as though Lily was his friend as well.  
However, Remus knew only too well the power of secrets. He knew that it everyone had something that they didn't want others to know. And he knew that sometimes, when the wrong words came to the wrong person, the result could be disastrous. And it was for these reasons that he didn't spread rumors, listen to rumors, or do anything of the sort.  
But being a quiet person who was friends with boisterous ones, Remus tended to notice things. And so it was that he noticed Lily looking at James, and James looking at Lily, and the way they smiled at each other, and the way they flirted when they weren't upset.  
And it was because of this, that Remus knew that Lily Evans and James Potter were in love.  
It was a recent discovery.  
And talking with Lily tonight had confirmed it.  
Remus wasn't sure if he would do anything with the knowledge. He certainly wouldn't tell anyone. But perhaps- just perhaps, he would talk to James, and give him a push in the right direction.  
Remus owed his life to the other Marauders. And he knew that Lily was an amazing person. James would be incredibly happy with her. And that was the main reason that he wanted them to be together. After all, he had a gut feeling that the two of them shared the sort of love that only comes to a person once.  
He didn't want them to lose that.  
  
Lily was lying on her bed, sighing dramatically.  
'Feel free to shut up, now,' Alice said.  
'I can't. I'm moaning my aloneness tonight,'  
Hestia looked worriedly at her. 'You don't-- you don't mind do you?'  
For a moment, Lily wondered what would happen if she told them that, yes, she minded a lot. Maybe Hestia would break up with HIM and then Lily could rest in peace. But, looking at Hestia's worried eyes, Lily realized that she couldn't do that. So she put a smile on her face. 'Of course not, Hess. I was kidding.'  
Alice looked faintly relieved. 'Don't worry, Lily. You know you'll have a great time,'  
'Yeah, yeah. All I can say is that you two BETTER have a great time, after all the work Remus and I, and the prefects, and the Head people have put into it,'  
Hestia and Alice both grinned. 'Don't worry- we will!' Hestia said excitedly. She turned to eye her friend.  
'Now go jump in the shower, and get yourself ready!'  
'Yes ma'am!' Lily said, saluting.  
  
Two hours later, the girls were finished getting ready. Lily had spent the majority of that time complaining about how much time girls took, but there was no way she was going down without her friends.  
And she had to admit, they both looked fantastic.  
Alice had now forced Lily to sit down, and her two supposed best friends were doing her hair up and even attempting to put make-up on her. Lily was doing her best to fend them off, but as Hestia had stolen her wand, it really was quite difficult.  
'There now, Lily, you look wonderful.' Hestia said, and they backed away.  
Lily glanced in the mirror. Her hair was twisted up and it shone in the lamp-lit room. The one thing she really liked about her appearance was her hair color. It was a deep burgundy red, with just enough light streaks to catch the light and shine. She half-smiled at herself.  
'Well, at least you guys got rid of the circles under my eyes,' she shrugged, then gave them both a bright smile.  
'Shall we go down?'  
Arms linked, the three girls made their way down the dormitory stairs.  
When they reached the bottom, they found, for reasons beyond their understanding, the Marauders, plus Frank.  
Frank was grinning at Alice as though she was in the only one in the room. 'You look absolutely fantastic,' he said taking her hand. Alice blushed prettily.  
'See you later,' she told Lily and Hestia, before placing her hand on Frank's arm and allowing him to lead her off towards the Great Hall.  
Hestia and Lily grinned at each other after the pair had left the common room. 'They are so cute together!' Hestia exclaimed.  
Lily merely nodded.  
  
'May I have the pleasure of escorting you two pretty young ladies to the Great Hall?' Remus asked, coming up behind them. Sirius bounded up.  
'Me too!' He exclaimed, grabbing Hestia's arm. Then, 'you don't mind, right?'  
Hestia blushed, giggled, and shook her head no. 'I do have a date waiting for me,'  
'Ah! And whose the lucky guy?'  
'Oh- someone,' Hestia said vaguely.  
That left Remus, standing beside Lily with a smile, and James, standing behind the both of them with a scowl.  
'Don't like dances?' Lily commented lightly as the three made their ways out of the common room.  
James glanced up at her. 'I've really only been to one. And I seem to remember getting thrown out, because some girl dumped her punch on me,'  
Lily blushed slightly. 'You called me carrot-top!'  
'Children, children, settle down,' Remus told them, smiling faintly. He looked at Lily, and to her surprise, he winked. They reached the Great Hall, and Remus held the door open for Lily, and then motioned for James to go through as well.  
Music was already playing. Lily spotted Alice and Frank dancing together in the middle of the floor, surrounded by various other couples. She was unable, however, to see Hestia. That was slightly unnerving.  
Remus smiled down at Lily. 'Dance with me?' he asked.  
Lily glanced up at him gratefully. 'Your girlfriend won't mind?' she queried, nonetheless taking the offered arm.  
'She's not my girlfriend,' was his only answer, as he gently took her hand. For a moment, the only sound was the song playing softly in the background. 'I meant it, you know,'  
Lily raised her eyebrows. 'What?'  
'Meant what I said. That James doesn't hate you,'  
They both glanced over to where James was standing alone by a table of refreshments, wearing a dark scowl. Lily smiled. 'Strange. I bet if you asked anyone in this room, they would disagree,'  
'Unless I asked James,'  
'Oh, really? Have you asked him for a fact?'  
'Not yet. But I have a knack for knowing these things,'  
'Ah,' Lily smiled at him fondly. 'And, so what- we don't hate each other. What do you expect us to do? Kiss and make up?'  
Remus shot her a sly smile. 'I won't insist on a kiss, but I do think it would make the both of you happier,'  
Her eyes widened. 'Remus Lupin! What on earth are you suggesting?'  
'You know, Lily- for all of your supposed horror at the idea, your general manner is one of sarcasm. I think you know quite well what I'm suggesting,'  
'And what is that, Mr. Lupin?'  
'Well, Miss Evans, for the cleverest witch in our year, I'd say there are some things you're rather slow at,'  
'And I'd be the first to agree. Mr. Potter over there is much better at transfiguration than I am, or ever hope to be, and you yourself give me a run for my money in Defense Against the Dark Arts. You have quite a talent in that subject, my dear fellow,'  
'I think you kindly, Miss Evans, but you mistook my meaning,'  
'Oh, did I?' Lily's tone was light and bantering, but she meant it in complete seriousness.  
'You did indeed. I meant more along the lines of relationships,'  
'Oh, dear. Now the gentleman goes and accuses me of being incapable of figuring out, holding onto, or indeed having a relationship at all,'  
'Not at all. You're quite charming- I meant nothing of the sort. I was merely suggesting that you go and ask young James over there to dance. You'll find him a ready partner,'  
'Don't be too sure,'  
'Go on- it won't kill you,'  
The song ended. Lily flashed Remus a brief smile. 'Oh, but it might.' Then she paused, and after a moment added, 'by the way, Mr. Lupin-'  
'Yes?'  
'From your words, it seems to me that not only do you believe there to be no feelings of hate held for me from Mr. Potter, it also seems as though you believe him to like me in a way that implies more than strict friendship,'  
'I knew you were the cleverest witch in our year,'  
'Perhaps I'm better at reading people than you thought. But you, Mr. Lupin, have committed quite a blunder: you passed along wrong information,'  
  
Remus looked bemused. 'I did what?'  
'I happen to know, mate, that James over there has set his sights on another girl.'  
Lily smiled at Remus, bowed, and left him standing on the dance floor. A glance over her shoulder told her that he was smiling at her and shaking his head, and then leaving. Most likely, she realized, to find Monica.  
She saw James. She realized she was heading straight for him. She briefly wondered why, and then she told herself she was being stupid. It was a DANCE. That was it. She wasn't asking him to marry her, she wasn't even asking him out. And, after all, the worst she could get was a rejection. But she had a gut feeling she might not get that. James was too polite to turn someone down, no matter how much he wished not to be with them.  
'Good evening, Mr. Potter,'  
James raised his eyebrows. 'Drunk already?'  
'No, but speaking with your dear mate Remus gives a person quite a knack of speaking in a strange manner. Apologies,'  
'Apology accepted. Been there, down that,'  
They laughed, followed by an extremely awkward pause.  
There was another song starting, Lily noticed. Well, she told herself, you're only young once. 'Care to dance?' she offered.  
James eyed her, and then held his elbow out. 'Only if you promise not to bite,' he said warily, but there was a gleam in his eye that made Lily unrealistically happy.  
Lily laughed as her fingers closed about his elbow. 'Bite? I don't bite. Or at least not very hard,' she amended.  
James smiled at her. 'I seem to remember several threats,'  
'Well, I can bite hard when angry,' Lily told him.  
'And we can all agree that you were angry then,' James told her.  
'Hey! You had dumped water balloons on me the first time, called me carrot-top the second time, and locked me in the boy's toilet the third!' Lily defended herself.  
James laughed. 'That last one was a slight accident.'  
'But there were BOYS in there! Some poor first year who probably is now scarred for life,'  
James laughed, and to Lily's surprise, she did too.  
He held out his hand then, and she placed hers in it. He put an arm about her waist, she placed hers about his shoulders. She liked his hands. They were warm.  
And they danced.  
It was absolutely amazing.  
Lily had danced with boys before, ones other than Remus or Sirius who were close enough for it to really be a 'just friends' experience, and it had always been an awkward, near painful experience. She hated the lack of conversation.  
During their first dance, Lily did keep talking, blabbing on about her fish, and her cat, and how she was excited to see them, but then James put a hand to her lips. 'You don't have to talk, you know,'  
For a moment she thought that he was going to kiss her.  
'I know,' she whispered.  
And then they were silent.  
Lily had a feeling that they danced every other slow song together. In fact, she also believed that they danced a lot of the fast ones too. Some they sat out, and talked. Quite a few people were staring, but Lily barely noticed, and when she did, she didn't care.  
It wasn't until almost midnight that her perfect night ended. She was walking out to the dance floor with James, when someone grabbed her arm. Lily turned around to see Alice standing there, face white. For one horrible moment, Lily thought that Frank had dumped her.  
'Hestia-' Alice said.  
'I know,'  
'With--'  
'I know,' Lily said again, grimly.  
'I don't know what to say. I wondered if maybe they weren't together, if it was just one dance- then I saw him get her a drink. But still. Maybe she broke up with Mystery Man,'  
Lily shook her head. 'The Hogsmeade day? When you guys both went on dates? I went for a walk, later, after you were back, but before Hestia was. And then I turned a corner. And I saw them - kissing,'  
Dead silence. 'You're- you're- why didn't you tell me?'  
'I was hoping they would call it off, or at least that she would tell us. She wouldn't want me to tell you, you know that,'  
'But I think that this is bad, Lily. Really, really bad.'  
'I know,' Lily repeated once more, still solemn.  
'What?' James asked, and Alice, glancing at him with surprise, chose not to comment on their hands, which were still laced together.  
'Remember the Hogsmeade day when all our friends had dates and we sat in the common room and talked?' Lily asked, not mentioning their row. James nodded, and she could see in his eyes that he remembered that as well. 'That day, Hestia had a date with a guy and she wouldn't tell us who. And then later- you heard what I just told Alice- I went for a walk, to be alone, and I saw her kissing Malfoy. And that's who she's here with tonight.'  
James stared at her. 'Malfoy? Lucius Malfoy? Malfoy and Hestia? You're wrong.'  
'Look over there,' Lily said, softly. James followed her gaze. Malfoy and Hestia were indeed dancing.  
'What?'  
'I think, I don't know, but I hope, that when Malfoy asked her out, Hestia didn't know what to say, and so she just accepted. Then she had a good time, but didn't want to tell us because she knew we'd disapprove.'  
'But how could she have a good time with Malfoy?' James asked, incredulous.  
'I don't know,' Lily admitted.  
Alice had strode over to them, and was tapping Hestia on the back. Though they were out of earshot, Lily could imagine what they were saying.  
Alice looked furious, Hestia looked hurt, and Lily, glancing up, saw Malfoy looking pleased. Then Hestia began to look angry, and finally she shouted something. Lily glanced at James, who nodded, and Lily dropped his hand, to run over to her friends.  
'I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!' Alice was shouting. 'MALFOY? Hestia-' she lowered her voice. 'He is NOT a good person. Why didn't you tell us?'  
'Because of THIS! Because I knew that you didn't want me to be happy and that you would get all upset with me!'  
'All upset with you! Hestia! Malfoy is a follower of You-Know-Who!'  
'Oh, shut up! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! Lily! Tell her she's wrong!'  
'Hestia- He's dangerous. We just don't want you getting hurt.'  
Hestia burst into tears, and Malfoy took her hand. 'Don't listen to the dirty little mudblood. You're right. They just don't want you to be happy. Now, come on sweetheart, let's go for a walk,'  
Hestia shot Alice and Lily a murderous glance and left with Malfoy, who casually slipped an arm about her shoulders, while turning around to shoot the two girls a truly murderous glare.  
There was a stunned silence. 'The question is,' Lily began softly, 'does he really care about her, or is he just trying to use her against us?'  
  
One of the hardest things in the world is to wake up after a wonderful night. Somehow, the next day always seems a letdown. And Lily had had a wonderful night. Even after the episode with Hestia, she and James had danced. They had walked back to the Common Room together, and now--  
-- Lily glanced around her dorm. Alice was sleeping soundly, but there was no sign of Hestia. That wasn't good.  
'Alice? Psst! Alice!'  
Lily's soft calls did nothing.  
With a sigh, she went to the bathroom and filled a cup of water that she proceeded to dump on her peacefully sleeping friend. Alice let out a shriek and jumped up. 'Lily! What was that for?'  
'I'm sorry, Alice. You weren't waking up.' Lily shot her a grin before growing serious. 'And it's 6 in the morning and I don't know where Hestia is. Do you know if she came in last night?'  
Alice frowned. 'I came in-- late. And she wasn't in bed then.'  
The two girls exchanged glances. 'So chances are she never came up here?' Lily said slowly. Alice nodded.  
'I don't like this, Alice,' Lily stated.  
'I know, Lils. I know,'  
  
The week after the ball was indeed a letdown. As with any big dance, some were giddy, and some were frustrated. Some had the time of their lives while some had been disappointed beyond belief.  
And Lily and James went out of their way to avoid each other.  
Neither one wanted to talk about it. Alice had questioned Lily, but Lily had given only evasive answers before turning to tide to how Alice's evening had been.  
Because now neither of them knew how to act around each other. Yelling seemed a little silly, because after all, they had spent nearly an entire evening dancing, with never a cross word. It was inconceivable that they should talk about it, and become friends or more than friends. In fact, every possibility just seemed as though it were completely wrong.  
And, of course, the rumors flew like mad. James and Lily- THE James and Lily- had been seen dancing together countless times. Neither had lost their temper. They both APPEARED sober, and neither had been kicked out- a big improvement. People who hadn't been there told the stories as though they had.  
And, of course, that was not the only rumor going about.  
Hestia. Hestia Jones was now dating Lucius Malfoy. An idea too absurd for words. But it was true: those at the ball testified that they had swept out together. And when her close friends were questioned, the interrogator was snapped at, and frightened off with a menacing scowl. Which, of course, only proved the rumor's truth.  
It was in the midst of this very turbulent time, that all these rumors were called to a halt with the only interruption that would do it: Christmas holidays.  
  
'Bye, Lily! I'll see you next year!'  
Lily laughed. 'I can't wait! I'll owl you, okay? Maybe I could come for New Years?'  
'That would be awesome! I'll ask my parents!'  
'Me too!' Lily promised. Alice and Lily exchanged one last set of hugs, and Alice bid her farewell to hug Frank good-bye.  
Lily glanced around the station. She could see James and Sirius meeting a man and woman who looked rather like James. When Sirius turned around, she ventured a wave. He waved energetically back, poking James. Lily laughed to herself at the expression on James' face, but then their eyes met, and Lily felt lost in them, felt amazed that it had taken her until fourth year to really see their sweetness, and---  
----Sirius bounding over and grabbing her up in a tight hug dispelled that feeling. 'Bye, sweetheart!' he cried. 'I'll miss you so very, very much!'  
'Right, Sirius,' Lily laughed. 'I might even miss you, too,'  
Sirius wiped away fake tears, and then, speaking in falsetto, commanded her, 'Now, make sure you owl me EVERY day, and like, tell me all about that big date, and like, your holidays, and like, girl stuff, and like like like--'  
'Thanks Sirius,' Lily said.  
'And now come hug James good-bye like a good girlfriend,' Sirius said, grabbing her arm.  
'Er- Sirius. We aren't going out,'  
'Whatever. You guys danced almost every song last week. You're BASICALLY going out.'  
'And we haven't spoken in a week,'  
'Absence makes the heart grow fonder,'  
'And he's glaring at you--'  
Sirius came to a halt. 'He is, isn't he? Charming lad. I'll go introduce you to his parents, then,'  
'Those are his parents? Whoa...Sirius...I don't think--'  
'Hello, Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter,'  
'Hello again, Sirius dear,' Mrs. Potter said. She did look rather like James. She had his dark hair, but she had blue eyes. It was his dad that gave him the hazel color. Looking up at James' dad, she realized that they had almost exactly the same face. The only difference was that his father had sandy brown hair instead of black.  
'It's lovely to meet you,' she said, holding out her hand. His parents shook it in turn. 'I'm Lily Evans,'  
'Your girlfriend?' Mr. Potter asked Sirius. Sirius grinned at him.  
'No, sir. She belongs to James here,'  
When both James and Lily blushed profusely, but did nothing to deny it- she wasn't going to act as though she hated him in front of his parents, and she could tell he felt the same way- his parents both raised their eyebrows and turned to look at their son.  
'Well, not REALLY BELONGS... They aren't going out. They're just in love,' Sirius said, in one of his rare moments of clarity when he realized that James most likely would murder him the first chance he got after this.  
  
'In love?'  
'Well, it's quite easy to see, isn't it?'  
Lily smiled up at the Potters. 'It really was quite wonderful to meet you. My parents are waiting, and so I'll see you later.' She turned to go, then decided to try to help the situation. 'I take it you know Sirius well?'  
'Quite well,' Mrs. Potter beamed. 'We've nearly adopted him,'  
Surprised, Lily stored that away to question the boys later. 'Well, then,' she said, attempting a charming smile. 'You must realize that one can never trust a thing he says,'  
They all laughed- Lily and James in relief- at that, except for Sirius who scowled at Lily. 'You're quite right, dear,' James' mother said.  
James shot Lily a grateful smile that made her stomach turn upside down as she walked quickly away.  
  
Sitting in the car, Lily had been getting a full-on interrogation by her parents, who had seen her being introduced to the Potters, and were rather miffed that they had missed out an introduction.  
Lily was seated in back, beside her sister, who was shooting her glares. Lily rolled her eyes. Really! Her sister was nineteen years old! One would think she was beyond that.  
'Lily, dear, really- who were those two charming young men?'  
'They probably wanted to report her to the police for being such an idiot police,' Petunia burst in icily. It was this comment that made Lily reply sweetly,  
'Boys from my school, mum. Sirius Black and James Potter. And besides, wizards don't have police, Petty,' [this last comment was accompanied with a- charming- smirk.]  
'Are they- Is one a boyfriend?'  
'Oh, no, mum,' Lily said hastily, then seeing the smirk on her sisters face, added, 'not at the moment.'  
'What does that mean, Lily?'  
'Well- James is a rather sweet boy,'  
'James? Isn't that the one you used to complain about three years ago?'  
'Oh. Well, he did used to be quite obnoxious,' Lily said, in the same sweet tone that she knew was driving her sister made.  
Oh, yes. Her holidays were off to a great start.  
  
Lily had indeed managed to find great presents for her friends, even Hestia. She had hesitated over that slightly, but had decided that it would make the situation worse not to send her a present.  
She had sent Alice a muggle camera, something her friend had always exclaimed over. Remus she had sent the two books, Hestia she had sent a scarf, and she had even sent Sirius a bag of chocolate frogs.  
Now she was humming tunes to herself as she wrapped her parents poetry book. In the end, she had wrapped a bottle of perfume for Petunia, a gift that she had received from an old friend for her birthday back in April. It wasn't as though she ever used it.  
She sighed happily as she looked out the window at the snow that was falling heavily. She loved it when it snowed on Christmas Eve. And thus far, the holidays hadn't been bad at all.  
'LILY!' It was Petunia.  
'What?'  
Her older sister flung the door open. 'Now, I don't expect you to understand the situation, you little freak, but I have a boyfriend.'  
'That's wonderful, Petty. I'm so proud of you,' Lily said, widening her eyes in surprise- an expression she made completely for the annoyance of her sister.  
'Shut it, brat. Now, he's coming over for dinner today, and he doesn't know about you or your- problems. Okay? So keep it quiet. Mum and Dad agree with me, so don't even try to play on their good side. I swear, if you mess up this relationship, I will kill you with my bare hands,'  
'Don't worry, Petty. I'm sure he's perfect for you and I wouldn't do anything to mess with the course of true love,'  
Petunia glared at her. 'Just try to act normal, for once in your life, okay freak?' She slammed the door.  
'Okay, freak?' Lily mimicked, before following her sister down to dinner.  
  
And, of course, she put on her sweet, charming charade that Petunia hated so much. When her boyfriend- Vernon- asked what school she went to, Lily only smiled charmingly.  
'Oh, it's far off in Scotland,' she said sweetly. Petunia looked so worried Lily almost laughed. 'It's a school for particularly bright students,' she added. Petunia turned white.  
Vernon smiled at her politely, as he did to her parents. Lily had been right: Vernon was perfect for her sister. He might have weighed about three times as much as she did, but he was normal, and polite. And boring.  
Lily kept her charming smile in place, but decided she wanted to kill her sister after listening to several comments along the lines of 'freak sister' and 'don't know where it came from'. Vernon, of course, had no idea what the menacing IT was, but from the look on his face, it was clear he was positive IT was something dreadful, mental, and dangerous, that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with.  
  
James was ready to kill Sirius. He had suffered no end of questioning once Lily had left.  
'CAN we believe Sirius?' his mother had asked, and that had only been the beginning.  
All James wanted was some time to be alone to think over what had happened. He was in love with Lily. He wanted to talk to her. But he didn't know what to say.  
And, of course, because his entire family knew of Lily Evans now, he couldn't go to his older brother, Harry, for advice. Harry was James' role model. Every piece of advice that Harry had ever told him made perfect sense. And besides that, Harry was an Auror.  
But, if James went to Harry for advice about Lily, Harry would know it was about Lily, and would know James liked her. James was torn. It was around midnight three days after Christmas that he finally got up the nerve to talk with Harry.  
Because other things were bothering him as well. He found a package of chocolate frogs, from Lily, with a funny card attached. For Sirius. On his friends bed. He knew that Sirius had hidden it so that his parents would still believe the James-Lily thing, but he still couldn't believe that Lily would send Sirius something.  
He read the card.  
'Dear Sirius,  
Happy Christmas! I'm not entirely sure why I got you anything- I had some extra money that I didn't know what to do with. Anyway, you can see the thought: yes, chocolate frogs. I debated getting them for my boyfriend, [that's a joke, by the way] but decided you might enjoy them more.  
Cheers, Lily.' And then he found another note beneath it.  
'Lily, darling-  
I feel honored to have received a present from you, but I noticed a lack of gift for James. Now I understand that boyfriend-girlfriend gifts are often private, but how heartless are you?  
-Sirius'  
James idly turned it over and saw that Lily had written him back.  
  
'Sirius-  
You know there's nothing between James and I. We danced at the ball thing. Okay? Besides, he didn't send ME anything. Why does the girl do all the gift-giving?  
-Lily'  
The notes made James smile. They were very Lily-like. And very Sirius- like, depending on what note one read.  
And so now, he thought, he'd go speak to his brother. And hope it wasn't the biggest mistake of his life.  
  
Despite dreading the holidays every year, Lilly felt almost sad as she got back on the Hogwarts Express. Vernon had caused Petunia to make herself scarce for most of vacation, and other than that ghastly dinner, Lily's vacation had been almost Petunia-free. What's more, Lily had a wonderful time at Alice's, despite the missing presence of Hestia.  
Hestia.  
She had sent Lily back her Christmas present, unwrapped, and with no note. Speaking with Alice, Lily had discovered that Hestia had done the same to Alice. Now Lily found an empty compartment, and sat down to await her best friend.  
But two others burst in before Alice did.  
'Oh. Hi Lily!' Sirius exclaimed brightly.  
Lily glanced up from her book. 'Hi Sirius, hi James,' she said. There was a pause.  
'What are you reading?'  
Surprisingly, this question came from James. 'The Lord of the Rings,' Lily said. 'It's quite good- my favorite book ever.'  
'Is it a muggle thing?'  
'Yes, I imagine so,' Lily said, smiling.  
'And what's it about?'  
Lily turned to look at him. 'Um. Well, it's about this Ring, really. A magic Ring...'  
As the two of them entered a near-normal conversation, Sirius crept out of the compartment, stopping Alice before she could enter and interrupt them.  
  
'You know, I think that was the closest thing we've had to a normal, sane conversation,' James remarked some time later.  
Lily grinned teasingly at him. 'Even counting the night of the ball?'  
She hadn't meant to mention it. They both turned red.  
'About that-' she said, at the same time as James said,  
'I've been meaning to-'  
They both stopped and laughed uneasily. 'Well. Uh. You go first,' Lily said.  
James winced. He had a feeling that he was going to say something wrong. 'I- uh- no. Well. That is-'  
He held out his hand.  
'I had fun. Thank you.'  
And he left a very confused and rather surprised Lily sitting in the compartment by herself.  
  
Late that night, Alice and Hestia were talking. 'So your vacation wasn't too bad?' Alice asked.  
'No. Nothing more than that dinner I told you about,'  
'I can't believe that they made you act like a muggle,'  
'Rest assured, however, that I did it quite charmingly,' Lily grinned.  
'I'm sure you did,' Alice laughed.  
'Will you two shut up?' Hestia muttured grumpily, rolling over in her bed. Lily and Alice exchanged looks, but said nothing.  
'Night,' Lily whispered after a moment  
  
It was early at breakfast. Lily was feeling quite happy. She had smiled at James and gotten a smile in return, and despite being a Monday morning, the day was bright and lovely.  
An owl swooped down and dropped a letter on her plate. Turning it over, Lily remarked cheerfully to Alice, 'my parents can be so protective. They always send me a letter after the holidays to make sure that I made it safely and don't need anything,'  
'It shows they care. Be grateful,'  
'I am,' Lily said, smiling.  
As she tore it open, her eyes caught at the seal. Her parents never used a seal. 'It's from--' she stopped as she unfolded the letter and began to read. Before she even finished it, she had taken her bag and fled the Great Hall.  
  
When Lily didn't show up for their first three classes, James grew nervous, especially after seeing her rush from the Great Hall during breakfast. When he made his way down to lunch with the Marauders, he saw Alice talking with Frank.  
'Alice,' he said.  
'Hi,' she replied evenly.  
'Do you know where Lily is?'  
There was a slight pause. 'She wants to be alone, James,'  
'Do you know where she is?'  
'Not exactly,'  
'Well, do you know what's wrong?'  
Alice looked slightly annoyed. 'Of course,'  
'What?'  
'You'll have to ask her. It's not my business to tell you these things,'  
James glared at her, then left the Great Hall, to go searching for Lily. It was quite an easy task. James had the Marauders Map hidden in his bag, He opened it and saw that Lily was sitting out on the grounds, beside the lake. He frowned. It was freezing out.  
He raced up to his dorm, pulled on his winter coat, a hat, and a scarf, and ran outside. He found Lily sitting in the snow, staring into the lake, red rings around her eyes.  
'Lily?' he said softly.  
She looked up at him.  
'Oh. Hi.'  
There were tear tracks on her face, and she didn't have anything but a coat. She looked freezing.  
'What's wrong?'  
She stared out at the lake for such a long time that James wondered if she had heard him. Just as he opened his mouth to ask her again, she said something softly. James sat down in the snow beside her.  
'Voldemort attacked my house last night. My sister was out with her boyfriend. Lucky, huh?'  
'And your parents?'  
'My parents? THEY'RE DEAD JAMES!' Lily half screamed, suddenly sobbing. 'VOLDEMORT KILLED THEM! IT WAS MY FAULT, JAMES! IF I WEREN'T A WITCH, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!'  
'Ssh, Lily,' James said, pulling her towards him. 'You know that's not true,'  
'IT IS!' she shrieked, and as a sob interrupted her words, she hid her head in her arms, her shoulders shaking. A moment later, she added, 'It is. Petunia said so,'  
'Petunia?'  
'My sister. She hates me. Because I killed them.'  
Lily wrapped her arms around James' neck and sobbed as though her heart had broken. James cautiously put his own arms around her, and held her as she slowly quieted.  
  
It wasn't fair. It just plain wasn't fair. Hestia had to go and date Malfoy, something that Lily was sure, so sure, was wrong. And then Voldemort had to go and kill her parents. The very thought made her veins slightly icy. She had always wondered about revenge. She thought the people who dedicated their lives to it were slightly intense. Now she knew why. She knew that if she ever saw Voldemort, she would do everything in her power to kill him.  
She also knew that was an extraordinarily stupid thing to do. But try as she might, she could not convince herself that she would ever act otherwise. In some ways in scared her. But in others it was oddly comforting. Maybe she was worth something after all.  
She also couldn't believe it, but she was quite grateful to James. She had thanked him for comforting her down by the lake, but had said nothing more to him after that.  
No, Lily had come to a startling realization: Petunia was absolutely right.  
Lily was a freak. She had heard it countless times: in half-joking tones from her friends, from James during their past arguments, and from Petunia, every time she visited.  
Furthermore, she was responsible for her parents death. She didn't belong in the muggle world anymore. She only endangered people there.  
And yet- she couldn't belong here. She remembered countless times of being called mudblood, and of being scorned. Everyone said it was no longer that way, no longer so racist, but those of muggle birth knew better.  
Muggle-borns were trouble.  
And it was glaringly obvious what Lily had to do: keep everyone who meant anything to her out of trouble. In other words, end all friendships or connections with everyone.  
  
Okay. Well, don't worry, it's all going somewhere. I know that I didn't spend much time on Christmas holidays, but I don't like vacation--- it wouldn't do anything for the plot... So: Review, Please! 


	10. Chapter 9

Next chapter! Thanks for the reviews, guys!  
  
What You Don't Know Chapter 9  
  
James was worried about Lily. At first, she had thought that she would be all right. After all, she had bid him a calm good-night, and then thanked him, after he had comforted her down at the lake. That night, James had tossed and turned all night, worrying about her. But by the time morning came, he had convinced himself that she would get through it. After all, she was an extremely capable witch.  
  
But then she hadn't shown up for breakfast. Alice was eating with Frank, Hestia was sitting at the Slytherin table- James felt again a thrill of panic, but had pushed Hestia's case aside- and Lily was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Exactly three minutes before breakfast was over, Lily had burst into the Great Hall, grabbed a piece of toast, and then ran back out. Alice had opened her mouth as her best friend reached past her, but before she could get words out, Lily was gone.  
  
James wasn't sure what to make of this.  
  
As time went on, however, he became worried.  
  
Lily sat by herself in all of her classes. Sitting where he was with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, James had eventually felt an urge to go sit by her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Alice was sitting with Frank, but she shot Lily worried glances every one in a while.  
  
Lily also stopped doing her homework in the Common Room, where she had almost always studied before. After falling her during lunch one day, James realized she was spending all her free time in the library, only stopping by the Great Hall occasionally to grab bites of food.  
  
James noticed Alice trailing after her friend a few times, but after a week had passed, Alice seemed to grow frustrated. She spent more time with Frank, and in all appearances ignored Lily, but James also noticed the worried looks she sometimes tossed in Lily's direction.  
  
James asked Remus if he had spoken with Lily recently, and when his best mate only frowned and then remarked that he hadn't, James really grew worried. Remus, sensing this, added that Lily was almost always late for prefect meetings now, and that she rarely spoke up during them.  
  
And through it all, Hestia spent more and more time with Malfoy, and seemed to grow angrier and angrier.  
  
After two weeks had passed, James noted with real concern that there were dark circles under Lily's eyes. He asked Alice, and she said that Lily was pouring herself into her school work- staying up late, getting up early, and skipping meals.  
  
'But why?' James thundered. 'She was top of the class anyway!'  
  
But Alice merely shrugged, a gesture that infuriated James. He stormed into the boys dormitory, muttering under his breath about bad friends and stupid girls.  
  
'What, Prongs?' Remus asked, looking concerned.  
  
'Oh, nothing. Only stupid Alice that doesn't pay attention to her best mate and won't tell me anything besides,'  
  
Frank bristled. 'Alice is having a rough time with her two best friends ignoring her,'  
  
'YOU'RE not ignoring her, though,' Sirius said with a snigger.  
  
'Lily isn't either,'  
  
'And why are you so keen on what's up with Lily, anyway?' Frank asked, eyeing him. Sirius raised his eyebrows, and Remus even looked up from his book.  
  
James gave them an unintelligible response, and stormed from the dormitory. If her best friend wasn't going to do anything about it, then James would himself.  
  
Lily was sitting in the back of the library, concentrating hard on her transfiguration essay. She paused in the middle of the sentence she had been working on, as all of her thoughts flew out of her head. It was rather difficult to turn yourself over to an essay on a bright, sunny Saturday afternoon in the middle of January.  
  
She needed the book that she had been reading last night- that had dealt a lot with this topic. Lily stood up. Where had it been? Somewhere-- She narrowed her eyes, gazing at the books. Dang. It had been moved. She could just make out the title on one of the top shelves. That was the problem with libraries. One could never reach the highest shelves.  
  
Straining her arms in vain, Lily resorted to jumping up and down, ignoring the voice in her head telling her that she looked pathetic and that she should just go ask for help.  
  
Lily didn't want to ask for help. She was perfectly capable of doing things on her own- ranging from getting a stupid book down from the blasted top shelf, to managing to transfigure a teacup into a bird.  
  
Finally giving up the jumping way, Lily fetched a stool and dragged it over to the shelves. Unfortunately, Lily's lack of height didn't help, and even with the stool she was unable to reach the book.  
  
Getting down, Lily was about to sit back down and continue on her essay without the book- she would be just fine, she told herself, when, sensing someone watching her, she whirled around to see James Potter.  
  
Taken by surprise, she recovered herself quickly, and sat hurriedly down.  
  
James smiled.  
  
Lily felt her stomach disappear. He had a very charming smile.  
  
'Need help?' he asked, his smile broadening into a friendly grin.  
  
'No,' Lily said shortly, opening up her transfiguration book again. James raised an eyebrow.  
  
'Come on, Lily. I'm taller than you,'  
  
She rolled her eyes, and said, despite her intentions, 'I was just looking for a book. It's fine,'  
  
'Nonsense,' James told her cheerily. 'I can grab it for you,'  
  
'Why are you being so nice?' Lily muttered.  
  
'Why not?' James countered, still with a grin on his face. 'Besides, no one else is looking out for you. I might as well,'  
  
Lily blinked. 'What do you mean, looking out for me?'  
  
But James only shot her his trademark, Quidditch-star-that-is- charming-and-knows-it grin, and asked, 'what book were you looking for again?  
  
Lily wasn't sure what to think. James had sat down beside her to do his own studying, and then had insisted on carrying her book bag back to the common room. When she had thanked him, she had received only a fleeting a grin, and then James had disappeared into the boys dormitory.  
  
All she could think was that she had received an awful lot of grins from James that day.  
  
And, to her annoyance, that made her happier than she had felt in weeks.  
  
Like it or not, Lily still liked James.  
  
James lay in bed that night for a long time. He wasn't entirely sure why he had helped Lily. Indeed, if the reaction of his friends was anything to judge by, everyone was going to think that he had finally cracked.  
  
In the morning, however, he felt better about it. Maybe it was because he just couldn't help the happy feeling that seemed to grow from just thinking about Lily. Maybe it was because he was extremely arrogant- as Lily had always told him- but, thinking over the night of the ball, he couldn't imagine that she hated him.  
  
Then, of course, there was his own reaction. James still felt the need to groan and whack himself in the head whenever he thought about what he had said on the train after vacation. He was such an idiot.  
  
James rolled over, the bright sunlight streaming in from the windows making him shut his eyes in an attempt to block it out. James was not exactly a morning person.  
  
There was a slight pressure at the end of his bed, and James opened his eyes. It was Remus.  
  
His friend smiled at him. 'You were up late last night, huh?'  
  
James had to fight the urge to smile, thinking of Lily. 'Yeah,'  
  
'Where were you?'  
  
James wondered where the interrogation was coming from. Usually Remus was the last person to ask questions. 'In the library,'  
  
'Studying, Prongs?'  
  
James felt a faint blush creep up the back of his neck. He despised blushing. 'No,' he admitted. One of the many reasons James liked the fact that Remus didn't normally make a habit of prying, was that his friend was impossible to lie to. Maybe it was his kind, gray eyes, or the way that you felt that no matter what you said, Remus would understand or have something positive to say. It was fairly frustrating, especially when one was in a situation such as James was- namely, one didn't know what one felt, or what one was doing, but was going ahead and doing it anyway, and didn't want questioning.  
  
'What were you doing then?' Remus pressed, with the faintest of smiles in his eyes.  
  
James rolled out of bed, and felt around for his glasses before finding them and sliding them onto his nose. 'Where did the interrogation come from, Moony?'  
  
'Just interested,'  
  
'That's an unusual thing, for you,'  
  
'I talked to Lily, you know,'  
  
'When? What's wrong?'  
  
For a moment, Remus didn't answer, and only watched in amusement as James turned redder. 'it was before the holidays,'  
  
'Yes, well, you and Lily talked a lot then,' James said, thinking of the day in Hogsmeade when he had seen them hugging.  
  
'You know,' Remus said thoughtfully, 'she's a clever girl. And, granted, you and Sirius had figured out at least by third year, but I was never close to her. It makes me wonder when she figured out.'  
  
'Your secret?' James asked with a frown, wondering why Remus was changing the subject.  
  
'Oh, yes. She didn't tell me when she knew, or how she knew. Just that she knew. Which is really the important thing, don't you think?'  
  
'And when, old fellow, did she tell you this?' James muttered irritably, searching about for his robes.  
  
'The last Hogsmeade day,' Remus said, watching James carefully.  
  
James fell over. 'When you two- I mean- when?'  
  
'Oh, she asked if she could talk with me privately,'  
  
James smirked. 'Thought she was going to ask you out, eh, Moony?'  
  
'No,' Remus said calmly. James turned to look at him. 'I knew- and still know- who she likes. And it's not me. But she asked to speak with me privately, but being Lily, she threw a snowball at me, and then we had a snowball fight, and then she grew serious and told me. And... Well, you might object, but she's a sweet girl. And so she hugged me and asked me about it and then went back to meet her friends at the Three Broomsticks, or something.'  
  
'That's a lovely story. I feel so much better knowing that more people have figured out your secret,'  
  
'You know, Prongs, I like it when people know. Or at least, I've realized that I like it when people know and don't hate me for it. But I can never be sure that will happen, which is why I just can't tell anyone. But I guess-- it's hard to explain what it's like to be different.'  
  
James thought about this for a moment. It was true. James had never known what it was to be different. He had grown up in a wizarding home, with no real problems. He had four best friends. He was a pureblood, and he had a good home. The only blight on his childhood had been his lack of playmates- except for Sirius- and the fact that his mother and father, as Aurors, had been in constant danger. But James had never been the odd one out. He had never known what it was like to be different then everyone else.  
  
'Well,' he said, 'at least your can keep yours a secret from most people,'  
  
Remus eyed him.  
  
'Well, think about people like Evans,' James said in what he hoped was a casual voice. 'People hate her because she's Muggle born, and there's not a thing she can do to hide that,'  
  
Now Remus looked thoughtful. 'Yes,' he said. 'Yes, I suppose that Lily knows what it's like to be different,'  
  
Lily spent that afternoon in the library, as usual. She had a book open, but she wasn't doing homework. She had finished that all the night before. Now she was busy reading up for fun.  
  
She had always liked reading. In truth, she didn't really mind spending time alone, with only a book for company. But she liked people. She couldn't help glance out the window and watch Alice and Frank engaged in a snowball fight and wondering where Hestia was, and how she was doing.  
  
With some effort, she turned her eyes back to her book.  
  
'Hey,'  
  
She glanced up to see James, standing next to the table, as he had been last night. She couldn't help but smile at him. He returned it smoothly.  
  
'Stalking me, Potter?'  
  
'Of course, Lily,' he said, sitting down beside her. She noted the slight emphasis on her first name and smiled to herself. 'Homework?'  
  
She shook her head. 'I finished it already,'  
  
'So you read five inch books for fun then, eh?'  
  
She couldn't help but laugh. 'It's quite interesting,'  
  
He smiled, and took the book from her. 'Hogwarts: A History? Didn't you read this in first year?'  
  
Lily blushed. 'I own it. I read it before coming to school so I wouldn't seem as though I didn't know anything. It really is interesting though.'  
  
'I'm sure it is. Look, Lily. I, well. So I talked to Remus this morning,'  
  
'That amazes me, James,'  
  
To her surprise, he turned slightly red, but grinned charmingly at her all the same. 'I know it does. The point is, Remus and I were talking... And he told me... He told me what you said? And how you knew?'  
  
Lily started to ask what she knew, but then she realized what he meant, and only nodded. 'I figured it out a while ago,' she admitted. 'But I never felt as though I had any reason to tell him,'  
  
James smiled slightly at that. 'With his- condition- you know, Remus is different.'  
  
'So? We love him anyway,'  
  
'I know that. Remus knows that too. But he had a hard childhood. He was quite young when he was bitten. He was different from then on. He's had a lot of people shun him for that,'  
  
'I didn't. You didn't.'  
  
'I know. But he's never told anyone, because inside, he's terrified of being rejected,'  
  
'James,' Lily hissed. 'I didn't reject Remus. I wouldn't do that.'  
  
'I know, Lily. That's not why I'm talking about this.'  
  
'Then why are you?'  
  
'Why are you avoiding people?'  
  
The question was so unexpected that Lily could only gape at him.  
  
'That's- that's none- I mean, I'm- I'm not,' she replied, flustered. He smiled at her.  
  
'You're different, too, Lily. Remus said that was hard for me to understand. I've never been different. I've always fit in.'  
  
'Of course. You're a Marauder...'  
  
'I meant that I was a pureblood.'  
  
There was the slightest of pauses. Lily was frankly quite surprised. She had never really thought of it that way. 'So you think I'm avoiding my friends because I'm Muggle born?'  
  
'Lily. That's not what I meant either,'  
  
'I keep missing your point, then,'  
  
'You're doing it on purpose,'  
  
'Am I really?'  
  
'You haven't talked to anyone in over three weeks, Lily. Ever since Christmas vacation,'  
  
'Sure I have,' Lily said in a light tone.  
  
'Who?'  
  
'You,' she pointed out, smiling. James tried to glare at her, but lost, and smiled back.  
  
'Really, Lily. You're avoiding your best friends,'  
  
'Actually, Hestia is doing a great job of avoiding me.'  
  
'I'm not talking about Hestia. You can deal with her later,'  
  
'Aye aye,'  
  
'I'm trying to be serious,'  
  
'All righty then. Keep talking.'  
  
'Well,' James swallowed. 'You feel different, don't you Lily?'  
  
She looked at him for a moment.  
  
'You don't understand,' she said flatly.  
  
'That's what Remus said. And you're right. You both are. I don't understand- I can't understand. But I'm trying, Lily.'  
  
'They think I'm a freak. Everybody does,'  
  
'Everybody?'  
  
'I get called a freak when I go home, because I'm a wizard. I get called a freak when I go here, because I'm muggle born. All muggles can see is that I'm a wizard- there's no distinction. All wizards can see is that I'm a mudblood,'  
  
James didn't like to hear Lily referring to herself as that.  
  
'Frankly, I'm insulted. I've never just seen you as a muggle born,'  
  
'Yes, you have,'  
  
'I said things I didn't mean. You have this wonderful talent for flustering me and making me do that,'  
  
Lily felt herself smiling in spite of herself.  
  
'Trust me, Lily. The people who don't think you're worthy because of your birth, they're losers. They don't count. Their opinion doesn't matter. It's never gotten to you before- why should it now?'  
  
He had a point. But he was still missing something.  
  
James continued, 'Even Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I- Marauders we may be, but we're not like that.'  
  
'I've realized that, James,'  
  
'And you other friends.... They could care less,'  
  
'Hestia may be rethinking that opinion,  
  
'I said, we'll deal with Hestia later,'  
  
'Well, fine. I- sometimes I do feel like I don't fit in anywhere. But that's not why I'm spending more time in the library,'  
  
'Then why?' James asked, a tint of exasperation edging into his voice for the first time. Lily hated when people got exasperated with her. It made her go on the defensive.  
  
'Frankly, my dear, I fail to see how this relates to you...?'  
  
'Because- because- because-' James sputter. Lily smiled sweetly. 'I don't like seeing you depressed and alone.'  
  
'I'm not alone. You seem to have this thing for stalking me,' Lily said, and went back to her book.  
  
James watched her, deep in thought. He replayed the past weeks in his mind, wondering what had triggered this bout of anti-socialism. He couldn't think of anything... There had been the ball. They had danced. James didn't like to think that that was the reason. Then the Christmas Holidays. Nothing there, right? Hadn't Frank mentioned a party at Alice's, with Lily there, being her usual peppy self? Then returning from holidays. Maybe his idiotic comment on the train.... No, James wasn't that arrogant. That wasn't enough to make her depressed.  
  
And then--  
  
Her parents died.  
  
James let himself think about that. Lily's parents were killed by Voldemort. He remembered the day by the lake, and comforting her. She had blamed herself. Did she still blame herself?  
  
And- perhaps- she wanted to prevent that. She didn't want other people dying just because she knew them. That was a stupid thing to think. But maybe she did anyway. People have been known to think stupid things.  
  
James smiled to himself.  
  
He had figured out why she was trying to distance herself from everybody. Now he just needed to convince her why that was wrong.  
  
Review, please!  
  
AROD 


	11. Chapter 10

Another chapter! Thanks so much for the reviews, guys!  
  
What You Don't Know  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Every day after that, James met Lily in the library. He made a point of being nice... Carrying her books [actually, he wasn't sure that Lily really appreciated that, or if she just put up with it to humor him, but in either case, it made him feel better] and picking things up for her.  
  
Lily, for her part, honestly wasn't sure if she was pleased that James was going out of his way to be pleasant and helpful, or exasperated that he insisted on treating her like something fragile.  
  
A mixture of both, she decided as she walked up the stairs to her dormitory late one night.  
  
To her surprise, she [literally] ran into Hestia there.  
  
Her friend- Lily couldn't do anything but think of her that way- smiled in a slightly twisted manner. 'Hmm. I haven't seen you around lately,'  
  
'Well, you've been off with your boyfriend, haven't you?'  
  
Hestia smiled again. 'So?'  
  
'Just pointing it out,' Lily said, her voice overly casual.  
  
'Don't be daft. I know you don't like him.'  
  
'Don't like him? Don't like him? Hestia, this is Malfoy we're talking about. A Deatheater? A Slytherin? The--'  
  
'For a Muggle-born, you're quick to discriminate,'  
  
'I- I- oh, Hestia, what do you see in him?'  
  
'He's nice to me. And he treats me as though I matter. He tells me I'm beautiful. And he loves me,'  
  
'He loves you? Hestia, he really told you that?'  
  
'Not in so many words. But I can tell it from the way he acts, the way he smiles, the way he looks at me, and how he touches me--'  
  
'Touches you?' Lily knew that her voice was rising with her panicked anger. 'Geez, Hestia, have you had sex with him?'  
  
Hestia turned white. 'How is that any of your business?' she shrieked.  
  
'Do you even love him?'  
  
'IT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS!' Hestia screamed, her face now flooding red. Lily was trembling with anger and with confusion and frustration with her friend. She turned and stormed from the Gryffindor common room.  
  
She was so wrapped up in her emotions that it was several minutes before she realized that it was late, and she was wandering that halls, alone, and without reason. She stopped several corridors away from her common room. If she just turned around now, she wouldn't get caught, right?  
  
Lily started to turn around, but then she heard voices, and froze.  
  
'How was your date?'  
  
'Boring, sweetheart. How could it ever be anything else?'  
  
'Oh, but certainly it's amusing...'  
  
'But I can't laugh. I have to act serious,'  
  
'Seriously in love with her?'  
  
They snickered.  
  
Lily was vaguely familiar with the voices. She didn't have a real urge to eavesdrop, but she crept forward, merely wondering if knowing who was speaking would make their conversation have any more sense to it.  
  
'Did she tell you anything?' The speaker was a seventh year girl Slytherin girl... Lily couldn't remember her first name, but she thought that she was a relative of Sirius. His cousin? The sister of the one in their year-- Bellatrix? She took another half-step forward.  
  
'No,' Lucius Malfoy sighed. 'I suppose she doe have loyalties stronger than we thought,'  
  
'Try harder, dear,' Black said.  
  
They were leaning into each other, arms clasped, fingers twining together. Most certainly not the position for a friendly chat. Lily didn't know what to think  
  
She didn't want to hear anymore, because that would increase her guilty feelings, and increase her temptation to spill. As it was, she was sure that she would have told Alice, if she wasn't avoiding her.  
  
Lily took a few cautious, light steps away, then broke into a run and didn't stop until she was safely back in the Gryffindor common room. Drawing a shaky breath, she went up to bed.  
  
James decided to talk with Lily that afternoon. A week had passed since he had made his guess as to what was bothering her, and the situation was driving him crazy. He didn't understand why Alice was content to talk with Frank, and ignore Lily, or why he seemed to be the only one who cared.  
  
So after lunch, James- not bothering with an excuse anymore0 went to the library, towards the back... And there she was, staring off into space, an open book and sheet of parchment in front of her. She was seated, as usual, next to a window, and the bright sun shone in, catching the red of her hair and creating a soft halo around it, seemingly setting everything around her on fire.  
  
He blinked, drew a breath, and slid into a chair across from her. 'Hello,' he greeted cheerfully.  
  
She started. 'Oh. Hi, James,'  
  
'Pondering something?'  
  
A faint grimace crossed her face. 'Um, yes,'  
  
Her uneasiness stopped him from pressing matters. 'I was thinking,' he began, unsure as of how to phrase it.  
  
'Good job,'  
  
He shot her a dirty look, and she smiled sweetly, taking his breath away. 'Right. I was, um, thinking, and um... Voldemort killed your parents a month ago. And it's true that he might not have gone after them if you weren't a witch, but so what? That doesn't make it your fault. You can't help being a witch- it's who you are. And the only person to blame for your parents death is Voldemort himself, or maybe his helpful little Deatheaters. So maybe that's why you've been avoiding people- because you're scared they'll due and that you'll blame yourself. That's absurd, Lily. People die. Voldemort has to be stopped, but until he is, deaths that he causes are no one's fault but his own, and any accomplices he has.'  
  
Lily stared at him for a moment, while he took a breath and wondered where to go from here. But she shook her head, got up, and strode quickly from the library.  
  
James watched her go, bewildered. 'What did I do wrong?' he wondered aloud.  
  
Lily found Alice seated in the common room talking with Frank. Feeling only slightly sorry that she was about to interrupt their conversation, she walked up to Alice and tapped her on the shoulder. 'Alice? Can I speak with you for a moment? Sorry, Frank,'  
  
'No problem,' he said politely.  
  
Alice followed Lily to a deserted corner of the common room, looking curious. 'First,' Lily said, drawing a deep breath, 'I'm sorry that I was- well, I was being stupid. And it just took someone pointing that out to make me realize it,'  
  
'No, Lily-- I mean, what was botherin--'  
  
'I'll talk about that later, if you really want. Now I want to talk about Hestia.' And with that, Lily launched into describing what she had seen and heard after her argument with Hestia the previous night.  
  
'That's horrible!' Alice exclaimed. 'I mean, it's bad enough that she's dating Malfoy in the first place-' she repressed a shudder, '-but he's cheating on her too? The great prat.'  
  
Lily grimaced. 'He's not really cheating on her, Alice. Well, he is, but that's not the point. The point is, well- he is only dating her for information! We've got to warn her!'  
  
Alice looked dubious. 'But she hates us right now. She's never listen,'  
  
'Shouldn't we try? Or do you think that will just make her angrier?'  
  
Alice bit her lip, glancing over at Frank. 'I don't know. Maybe we should talk to someone?'  
  
'But who?' Lily asked desperately.  
  
'I don't know,' Alice admitted miserably. 'Frank?'  
  
'He doesn't know Hestia,'  
  
'Well, what do we do then?'  
  
'We'll think about it. You can go back to Frank. Ask him, if you'd like. It can't hurt, right? Then we'll talk again later,'  
  
'Yeah. And you can tell me what was wrong,'  
  
'Oh,' Lily blushed. She hated discussing her issues. 'It was no big deal,'  
  
'Yes, it was,' Alice said, hugging her before returning to Frank.  
  
A few minutes later, Lily remembered James, and leaving him alone in the library with all her stuff. 'Oops,' she sighed.  
  
She got up to make her way to the library, but before she reached the portrait, it swung open, and in walked James, laughing with Sirius.  
  
And carrying her bag.  
  
Great. Now she really looked like an idiot.  
  
But it was impossible to be angry at James when their eyes met and he smiled charmingly and left Sirius and it was really her fault he had her bag and he had been so nice and sweet and his eyes were the most beautiful color she had ever seen, and...  
  
'Here's your bag,'  
  
'Um, thanks,' Lily said, flushing. 'And-uh, thanks for... talking to me... It really did help. Sorry to run off on you. I wasn't really thinking,'  
  
'My pleasure,'  
  
There was a pause.  
  
'Um- I could take my bag now...' Lily suggested.  
  
'Oh, right!' James turned red. 'Right. Well, here you are,' he handed her the bag and their hands touched and she remembered dancing with him and how lovely that had felt...  
  
'Thanks,'  
  
There was another silence.  
  
'So, why did you go?'  
  
'I realized that I needed to talk to Alice,'  
  
'What about?'  
  
'Oh, just what you convinced me of: that I was being stupid and so then there was something else I needed to tell her,'  
  
'You weren't being stupid. You were being... noble,'  
  
'You're very sweet, James,' Lily laughed, but she knew she was flushing with pleasure. James went red as well.  
  
'Okay, okay, just kiss already and get over it,' Sirius said, coming up behind them.  
  
James went redder and Lily felt her own cheeks burning. James was cute even when he blushed and looked ready to murder someone- namely Sirius.  
  
'Oh, going red... Second sign of love,'  
  
''what's the first?' Lily asked irritably.  
  
'Fighting like cats and dogs,' Sirius smirked. 'But you two- jumping all around. From one to four to two in a matter of weeks.' He shook his head.  
  
'Four?'  
  
'Spending an entire dance together,'  
  
'We did not!' Lily protested. When Sirius raised a dark eyebrow, she added, 'I danced once with Remus, you know,'  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. 'But you know you love James. You want to hold him, hug him, kiss him, marry him, have his--'  
  
That's about when Lily performed a silencing spell. James grinned at her.  
  
'I thought he'd never shut up,'  
  
'So did I. So I decided to shut him up myself,'  
  
'Good job,'  
  
'Thank you,'  
  
'Want to go on a walk with me?'  
  
'Sounds lovely,'  
  
Oblivious to the eyes of half the common room- their interest was justifiable in that they had been put through an awful lot of fights from Lily and James, the two left the common room together.  
  
End of chapter 10! Yay. Now you know what to do... Go ahead! Review!  
  
Cheers-- AROD. 


	12. Chapter 11

Thanks so much for all the reviews! They make me so happy! I would have got this up sooner, but I went camping and all.... Anyway, it's summer so I have nothing better to do than update.... -sigh-. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Please review!!!

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Blah blah. I thought up the plot, but that's about it.

What You Don't Know

Chapter 11

People are not what they seem.

Lily had realized that a long time ago in relation to James. On the surface, he was the height of cool. He was a Marauder, he was brave, funny, fearless, and heartless.

Oh, Lily had been justified in hating him for several years. James did seem to bring it upon himself.

She wasn't entirely sure when she looked deeper.

Maybe when she realized that half the time he was hexing someone, he was doing it to protect someone else. [Yes, she realized that he used to do it just for fun. Boys will be boys. James wasn't perfect. Besides, he had stopped that now.]

Or else when she told herself that James, Sirius, and Peter had to know of Remus' condition. Someone heartless and shallow wouldn't keep a friendship through barriers like that.

She saw the way he laughed.

And when did she realize that he was just as capable of laughing at himself as he was as laughing at others?

And who would have thought that James would ever be able to have such deep thoughts. Certainly he was smart. He never studied and he was top of the class, along with her. [And Sirius, but Lily was never quite sure how that worked. Sirius was yet another enigma.] But he was also... wise?

Lily couldn't help but giggle as she pictured herself. 'Yes, mum, I really do like him. It's just- he's so _wise_,' It was a rather odd thing to say about somebody.

'What's so funny?' Alice asked, entering their dormitory.

Lily rolled over onto her stomach, propping her head up on her elbow to study her friend. 'You're back late...So, how's Frank today?'

'Frank? I was- studying,'

'Yeah, right. Lying is a sin, mate,'

'So good of you to look after my salvation,'

'It's what I'm here for,' Lily said seriously and now both she and Alice dissolved into giggles.

'Okay, spill: how do you go from so depressed to so happy in one day?'

Lily opened her mouth to answer ['James Potter'] and then realized how absurd that would sound. She closed her mouth. Then opened it. As Alice scooted over to join Lily on her bed, Lily had never felt closer to her friend than now. She knew Alice could keep a secret. Suddenly she wanted to tell.

Nothing came out.

This whole admittance thing was quite difficult, wasn't it?

Lily tried a new tactic: 'You're awfully happy, too, eh?'

Alice sighed contentedly. 'Frank is so great, Lily. And I have my best friend back! Now, out with it: whose the lucky guy?'

'What?'

'Come on, Lily! The only explanation for your undeniable, sudden cheerfulness, has got to be guy-related. So, come on- who do you like?'

'Hate that girl instinct thing,' Lily muttered, rolling away from Alice, who was now giggling insanely, and bouncing up and down.

'Tell, tell, tell!' she commanded.

'Jammmphhmmpffpf...' Lily told her pillow.

'I can't hear you,' Alice practically sang. Lily groaned.

'Oh, you're obnoxious,'

'It's usually you! Now you've admitted you like someone-- out with it! Tell all! Who is it?' Her blue eyes were dancing.

'Potter...' Lily said so softly she wasn't sure that she had said it or just mouthed it.

'Who?'

'Potter... Potter...'

Alice shrieked, something Lily had been expecting, but the manner of her shriek- happy, delighted, excited, took her rather aback. 'I knew it! I knew it! You're in love with Jamelsreeee-'

Lily clamped her hand over Alice's mouth. 'Shut it,' she hissed.

Alice nodded.

'Good. You're quite loud when you want to be,'

'I KNOW- but I can't help it!' Alice was squealing and bouncing up and down. 'That is just so wonderfully, amazingly perfect!'

'What? Why?'

'Because! I mean, Frank and I have thought for ages you two are meant for each other,'

'Right. That's why he hates me,'

Alice waved her hand. 'He hates you about as much as you hate him,'

Lily snorted. 'Doubtful,'

'... But true nonetheless,'

'That implies that he likes me, which he doesn't, because he likes someone else,'

Alice raised her eyebrows. 'Who?'

'I don't know,' Lily admitted.

'Good. Perfect. Oh, yay, this is so exciting!'

'Not really,'

'Sure it is! You've proved the whole love at first sight thing,'

'_What_? Look, Alice, you're slightly off your rocker... I've hated James...'

'When did you stop hating him?'

'Well. I never really hated him. Not like we all do Bellatrix or those people. It was more like......'

'Love spats?'

Lily whacked her friend. 'No. But he did manage to get on my nerves like you can't believe. But then in fourth year, I realized that I... didn't hate him... At all,'

Alice gaped at her. Are you telling me that you have had a crush on James Potter since _at least_ fourth year?'

'Er...'

'You _dork!_ And you never _told us?_'

'Er...'

'This is serious!'

Lily stared at her friend for a moment, and then they both began to laugh. 'So, why did you guys start to hate each other in the first place?'

Lily was silent for a moment. 'Oh, I don't know. Stupid reasons. We were eleven, after all,'

'It's funny to think that we were ever that scrawny,'

Lily nodded. 'Tell me about it,'

'So, does this explain James' interest in you?'

'What do you mean?'

'Hello! He's practically stalked you for the past two weeks, and then today you guys went on a _walk_ together! A walk! You should have heard the common room! They thought that you two were either drunk, under the imperious curse, or otherwise tampered with.'

Lily smiled. 'He practically stalked me?'

'He barely spent any time at all with his friends. Just ran off to the library every free moment,'

Lily blushed. 'Oh yeah. Well, he is sweet,'

Alice clutched a pillow. 'Right. Girl talk time,'

'No. Let's talk about Hestia,'

Alice sighed. 'I don't know what to do,'

'Me either,'

'Oh, wait- yes I do,'

'Really? What?' Lily asked, leaning forward.

'Ask James!' Alice giggled.

Lily whacked her with a pillow. 'I have a better idea,'

'Which is...?'

'Well, Hestia is nice. She's very sweet and serious. She's also rather pretty,'

'Yes, I know. I'm not usually friends with losers,' Alice said. Her friend was much giddier than usual.

'I'll take that as a compliment. My point, however, was that we should find some sweet young man who agrees to take Hestia out. Then have a heart-to-heart girl talk with her and convince her that Malfoy is a creep,'

'Should we tell her what he's doing?'

Lily frowned. 'I don't know. Hestia doesn't like being kept in the dark, but she's being so different, I just don't know what to do. She's not herself anymore,'

'You could say that again,' Alice agreed.

'She's not herself anymore--'

'I was kidding,'

'Oh,'

---

'No, I don't think I will,' James said, smirking at his friend.

Sirius had yet to find someone willing to undo the silencing spell that Lily had placed upon him earlier that day. The quiet was just too nice.

Remus pretended that he didn't know what was the matter, but James merely laughed.

'She is quite good at spells like that, eh?'

Sirius looked as though the lack of being able to joke and tease his friend was killing him. His eyes bugged out and his mouth moved rapidly. James laughed again.

Finally, Sirius grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment and scribbled furiously: 'UNDO THIS CURSE!'

He thrust it at Remus.

Remus read it, glanced up at Sirius, and asked mildly, 'What curse, Padfoot?'

Sirius turned rather purple.

The dormitory opened and Peter and Frank entered, chatting amiably.

'Alice is a sweet girl,' Peter was saying.

'She sure is. I really like her,' Frank agreed. 'Hey guys,'

'Hello,' James said, going back to his Qudditch Weekly magazine.

Remus nodded his head. Sirius turned a very interesting shade of green.

'Whoa, mate, did you consume too much butterbeer?' Peter asked worriedly.

Sirius thrust the parchment at him.

'What curse?' Peter asked, confused.

'I CAN'T TALK, YOU IDIOT,' Sirius scrawled, pushing the quill down so hard that the nib snapped off.

'Can't talk? Why not?'

Frank grinned. 'Lily sure can make one heck of a silencing spell, eh, Sirius?' James and Remus both snorted. 'Speaking of Lily... You took her on a walk,'

'Er. So I did,'

Sirius looked pained.

'I thought you hated her,' Frank pressed.

Remus looked up. 'Far from it, mate,'

'What?' Peter said. 'Far from it?'

'It means Prongs here doesn't hate Lily,' Remus explained.

'Oh. Wait, yes he does,'

Frank grinned widely. 'No, he doesn't,'

'What?'

'You don't take people that you hate on walks,'

'All right, all right, I don't hate her,'

Remus looked delighted. 'Since when?'

'Since... Oh, third year,'

Sirius keeled over.

Frank and Peter's mouths dropped open.

'That... That's a long time, mate,' Remus said, eyebrows raised. 'What's with all the fighting then?'

'Well, she hates me,'

'No, she doesn't,' Frank said, catching up with the conversation.

'What do you mean?' James asked.

'You don't go on walks with people you hate,' Frank pointed out, smirking. Remus and Peter laughed.

But it was true, James realized. Which meant that Lily didn't hate him. He suddenly felt like singing. Instead, he did something rather stupid. In a burst of happiness, he took away Sirius' silencing spell.

As soon as he did it, he wished that he hadn't.

'YOU LOVE LILY!' Sirius burst out.

Even Remus looked horrified. 'Padfoot, mate, don't say that,'

'Why not? James loves Lily, James loves Lily, James loves-'

'Because if you do, we'll put another silencing spell on you,' James said, quite annoyed.

'Oh. Fine.'

James went back to his magazine.

'Can I at least whisper it, then?'

---

Okay, well, Chapter 11 is finished! Sorry that it's not too long. And then next one might even have some... Lily and James interaction. Hehe. Finally. I hope the format worked. I'll try to fix it if it didn't. All righty then.... Please review!!!


	13. Chapter 12

Hey guys! Thank you so much for reviewing. It made me so happy! You're all the best. Anyway, I tried to update quickly... Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review!!!!

By the way, we all love Sirius and his humor. I'll try to fit him in more because we all adore him, right?

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Don't sue.

**What You Don't Know**

Chapter 12

The next morning, at breakfast, Sirius had an abnormally large grin on his face.

'Hello,' Lily greeted him absently as she sat down with Alice.

'I can talk now,' Sirius said.

'I can see that,' Lily replied.

'Aren't you impressed?'

'Only that someone would dare to take the spell off,' Lily said, shooting Sirius a charming smile.

He glared at her. 'For your information, _James_ took the spell off,'

'Did he know? I always thought that he was more intelligent than that,'

'It was a burst of happiness,' Remus said, sitting down.

'Over what?' Lily asked.

'You,' Sirius said. Remus whacked him. 'Ow!'

'A fit of happiness over me?' Lily asked, raising her eyebrows.

'Who did?' James asked, sitting down beside Remus.

'You,' Sirius announced again, then, 'ow!' as Remus whacked him again.

'He did what?' Lily said, grinning.

'I had a ... Wait, what?'

'You _did_!' Sirius insisted. 'You _love_ Lily! That's why you went on a walk with her,'

'Why did you take the silencing charm off of him, anyway, James?' Peter asked as he too sat down.

'Because he had a mpppff--' Sirius began, and was cut off by Remus, who smiled pleasantly as everyone turned to look at him.

'I'm going to go find Frank,' Alice said.

'Righto,' Lily smirked. 'Have fun studying,'

Alice stuck out of her tongue, gathered up her bag, and left the Great Hall.

'He BIT me!' Remus cried suddenly, snatching his hand away from Sirius' mouth. Sirius spit onto hit plate.

'And it was absolutely disgusting, mate,'

Remus looked at his hand. 'I can't believe your bit me,'

'It's what happens when you go and stick your hand in someone's mouth,' Sirius replied absently.

'You guys scared her away,' Lily said with a tragic sigh, shooting Sirius a rather strange look. Then, spotting Hestia entering the Great Hall with Malfoy, she stood up. 'I'll be right back,'

She strode quickly over to Hestia, and took her arm. 'Hey, Hestia,'

'Hi, Lily,' Hestia said, glancing up at Malfoy, who glared back at Lily.

'Sit with me?' Lily pleaded.

'I was planning on sitting with Lucius,' Hestia said hesitantly.

Lily smiled charmingly. 'But Hestia, mate, you _always_ sit with M- Lucius, now. And he _is_ your boyfriend-' she glared at Malfoy- 'and all, but can't he spare you every once in a while to sit with your best friend?'

Malfoy glared back at Lily once more, over the top of Hestia's head. 'You're not her best friend,'

'Yes I am,' Lily said, keeping a charming smile on her face.

'If you were her best friend, you would want her to be happy,'

'Oh, but I do,' Lily said, widening her eyes innocently.

'Then why did you get all upset at the ball?' Hestia said icily.

Lily tightened her grip on her friend's arm. 'I was... just... upset that day. I'm sorry. But do you see me objecting to your relationship now? Of course not. I just miss talking to you,'

Hestia glanced up at Malfoy. 'All right,' Malfoy say.

'See you later, dear,' Hestia said.

'Bye,' Malfoy replied, turning to sit at the Slytherin table.

'So,' Lily began. She hated girl talk. She was no good at it. She brought Hestia to the Gryffindor table and sat her down. 'You've been... busy lately,'

'Busy snogging,' Sirius muttered.

Lily glared at him. That gave her bad mental images.

Hestia blushed. 'Oh, I've spent all my time with Lucius,' she giggled.

'Doing what?' James asked innocently. Lily was fully prepared to glare at him, or hex him, if he ruined her chance to talk with Hestia, but to her surprise, Hestia giggled.

'Oh... we... talk,'

'What about?'

'He's a nice guy. He's really interested in _me. _I mean, he asks all about my past and my friends and what I like and stuff,'

'That's- great,'

James was raising his eyebrows.

Lily felt her heart sinking. 'And what do you tell him?'

Hestia smiled. 'Well, he wants to know a lot about my friends- you in particular, Lily. He says it's because he wants to know _me_ better, and he can do that through my friends, but I am wary, because he might accidentley let something slip to a friend, and I wouldn't want you to get hurt,'

Lily was slightly taken aback at Hestia's cheery and pleasant manner. It was so different from the night of the ball, and indeed, her treatment the past few weeks. Then again, Alice had started off being rude, and Hestia had responded with rudeness. Now Lily had begun with polite inquiry, and Hestia had returned it easily.

That only made it harder. It seemed as though Hestia truly was happy with Malfoy, and it would be hard to tell her the truth.

Lily was suddenly unable to go through with her plan to tell Hestia everything. Maybe she should just _secretly _try to break them up, and find someone to go out with Hestia afterwards.

But it would all completely backfire if Hestia found out about it. So Lily would have to be very careful.

---

James was half-asleep during History of Magic when something startled him completely awake. Looking down at his desk, he found a neatly folded piece of parchment with the name _James_ on it.

He raised his eyebrows. It wasn't from Sirius or the other Marauders, who would have written Prongs. The only other person he could really think of was... Lily? Would she send him a note?

She wasn't looking at him. In fact, she was writing something. Was she honestly taking notes on Binns' lecture? That would make her a one of a kind nerd. James laughed, opening to the note carefully.

'_James-'_ It read. '_This is kind of random, but I'd sort of like your opinion on something [because we all know you have the greatest judgement in the world. So, sorry to take your mind from this terribly fascinating lecture... I'm sure it will upset you. I'll talk with you at lunch, to ask you, if you'd like. Thanks a bunch. -Lily._'

James smiled to himself, and considered penning a reply. Pulling a fresh sheet of parchment out, he began:

'_Sure thing, Lily. You **can**__tell me via parchment note writing, because, horribly facinating or not, I wouldn't exactly mind the distraction... - James._'

As he was folding the note up, Sirius grabbed the one from Lily and, turning a deaf ear to James' protest, began to read it. His dark eyes scanned the sheet, then, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, he pulled out his own sheet of parchment.

_You said yes, right? - Sirius_

James read the note with confusion, then wrote, '_Of course I did. -James._'

'_This is so sweet. Our little Prongsie, out on his first date._'

'_What?!?!? This isn't a date, Padfoot- she just wants to talk to me,_'

'_I'll bet you a knut she'll ask you out_.'

'_A knut? That's insulting!_'

'_Yeah, well, this is **Lily** we're talking about. She's not too predictable, mate._'

'_So I've noticed_,'

_'Ah, yes, I forgot. Little Prongsie notices everything about dear Lilykins because he LOVES HER.'_

_'You're such a prat. What if someone reads it?'_

_'So what? She knows you love her,'_

_'No she doesn't,' _James wrote back, then grabbed the parchment before Sirius could read it, and added, '_because I don't._'

Sirius turned to smirk at James, who knew he was slightly red, when another piece of parchment landed on James' desk. James half-jumped, surprised, before opening it.

'_James- Thanks, but it's sort of complicated, and you might just get confused if I tried to write it all out. It's not exactly secret, per se, but I've noticed Sirius reading the notes and all, and I'd rather him not know about it. Just because if the wrong person heard, it might be bad._'

'Hey-' exclaimed Sirius, who was reading over James' shoulder. 'Who does she think I am? My cousin or something?'

James glared at him. 'No. She knows you're semi-trustworthy. She just doesn't want too many people to know, that's all,'

'Semi-trustworthy?' Sirius asked, attempting a puppy-dog face. James ignored him and went back to the note.

'_Not that Sirius is evil or anything. Well, not really. I'd just... well, I don't even know why I want your opinion. I haven't even told Alice. But ... Um. You can try to talk me out of it, because you're the master of telling me when my ideas are stupid. - Lily. P.S. It's about Hestia._'

James smiled, turned the parchment over, and jotted quickly. '_Sure thing. See you at lunch, then_,' and tossed it across to her desk.

'_Sooo, my dear friend. This afternoon-- a quiet, romantic walk around the lake during lunch would the perfect time to discuss "Hestia" don't you think?' _Sirius wrote, as soon as James had replied to Lily.

'_You're so clever, mate. And no.'_

_'Why not?' _Sirius wrote, pouting.

'_Because I don't trust any of your ideas, and because that's awkward,'_

_'He's right, you know, -Remus'_

_'Hey! Where did you come from?'_

_'I sit beside you, Sirius,'_

_'I know _that_ Remus, mate, but this is _our_ note!'_

_'I just joined!'_

_'Go away,'_

_'No,'_

_'Um, guys?'_

_'What, James?'_

_'Can we not act like two- year- olds?'_

_'Wow, James- trying to be the mature one. That's a first,'_

_'Wow, Remus, being sarcastic? That's a first,'_

_'Wow, Jamse- being sarcastic back? That's a... oh, wait, no it's not.'_

_'Shut it,'_

_'I'm smirking right now,'_

_'I know, you prat,'_

_'That was uncalled for, James. Apologize to Sirius right now,'_

_'Hah. Now you're being the mature one.'_

_'Oh right, wouldn't want to claim your title,'_

_'Why do I get the feeling that you're rolling your eyes?'_

_'Because I am,'_

'Guys? James?' They all looked up to see Lily, eyeing them strangely. 'Class is over.'

---

'So, what's your important plan that I may need to talk you out of?' James asked, grinning at her.

Lily was standing out by the lake, next to James, having just consumed a rather hurried meal. 'Well. It seems as though Hestia is... rather... happy with Malfoy,'

'That's so bad?' James joked.

Lily rolled her eyes and poked his stomach. 'Yes, O wise one. Aside from the fact that it's _Malfoy_, there are several problems with their little relationship?'

'Being....?'

Lily quickly related what she had seen in the hallway.

'Wow,' James said when she had finished. 'He is a prat. Can I beat him up?'

'No, James. But you can listen to my plan,'

'Righto. I'm all ears,'

'Good. See, now, I was thinking that ... Well, originally I was going to try to explain everything to Hestia, but when I saw how happy she was today, I realized she just wouldn't listen. And so now I think I might try to break them up, sort of... Behind the scenes? Like secretly? But I don't know if that's a good idea, because if she finds out, she'll be really furious, and that's kind of dangerous. But I was also thinking that, well- Hestia is sweet and all, so maybe if there was someone who would ask her out after she and Malfoy are over, that maybe she might feel better?'

'Well, I think it's a kind of stupid plan, but there's nothing else to be done,' James said, after a pause.

'That's encouraging,'

'Well, it _is._'

'Yeah. Any idea how to break two people up?'

'Why are you asking _me_ this?' James said, grinning again. Lily smiled back.

'Oh, I don't know. I just thought that maybe one of the infamous Marauders might have an idea of what to do,'

'Huh. And then I suppose you want me to sacrifice one of my friends to date her?'

'Sacrifice? I would hardly call it that bad. Honestly. She's a nice girl. And if you find it so terrifying, I'm sure _you're_ brave enough to date her,' Lily said, regretting the words as soon as they left her mouth. _No, no, no, no, no! You are _not_ dating Hestia. _

James looked at her for a moment. 'You want _me_ to date Hestia?' he asked her quietly.

'No,' Lily said quickly. Too quickly. But James looked almost happier.

He didn't say anything.

Neither did she.

They just looked at each other... Lily wondering, for just a fleeting moment, if he actually was going to kiss her. He was leaning closer... So was she...

'Hellooooo, mates,'

Lily felt she was perfectly justified in performing a body-binding curse on Sirius and returning to the castle with James.

---

well, that's chapter 12 done! --cue to dance around-- yay. Now-- you know the drill: pretty pretty please go review because you love me to death! _smiles charmingly_!

Thank you... And then I'll do _my_ bit and try to get the next chapter up quickly. capiche?

And if I got LOTS of reviews, maybe I'll even hurry along and make the next chapter longer, thus including some actual Lily and James fluff. Wouldn't that be absolutely stunning?

Cheers!

Arod


	14. Chapter 13

Thank you guys so much for reviewing! It really, _really_ made my day. Now... We'll have to see where this chapter goes... Whahahha... You know you want to read... Go ahead. Just don't forget to review. I totally felt the love from you guys.

Yes Sirius is being picked on... but he is... interrupt-ive... _grins_

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Clearly. Don't sue.

**What You Don't Know**

Chapter 13

'Mr. Black? Is Mr. Black here?' Their Transfiguration professor was calling out. Lily turned to look at James, sitting beside her, and they both smirked. Lily was trying quite hard not to think about _why_ they had left Sirius out by the lake. It appeared that James was as well.

Finally, Lily raised her hand. 'Yes, Miss Evans?'

'Sirius isn't in class, and I don't think that he's going to becoming to class,' she said, trying to keep a straight face. It became increasingly difficult when James snorted loudly.

Their professor raised an eyebrow. 'Is that so? Why, may I ask?'

She tried hard to keep her face innocent. 'This is Sirius we're talking about. He was being his usual self,'

Their was a short pause, then, 'very well. Today, class, we will be performing a rather difficult spell, not unlike the Switching Spell. If you could turn to the person on your left, we will begin...'

---

'Lily! Hey, Lily, wait up!' James called, stuffing his quill into his bag as he ran down the hallway. Up ahead, he could see the flame of red hair next to short blonde hair and a guy's brown hair. The redhead turned around. 'Um. Hi,' James said, coughing slightly as he reached them. Alice and Frank smiled in amusement. 'Hey Alice, hey Frank,'

'Hi, James,' Alice said, a smile playing about her lips. 'We'll see you two later.'

'Yeah,' Lily smirked. 'They have some studying to do,'

Alice turned red, but Frank just laughed. 'Can't you set her up with some guy?' he asked his girlfriend. James felt himself blush at that.

'Oh,' Alice said, smirking herself now. 'I think Lily can get a date on her own,'

'Really?' Lily exclaimed. 'You are such a good friend!'

Alice just grinned, took Frank's hand, and the two left. Now Lily turned back to James, who was feeling more awkward by the second.

'So. I just wanted to- apologize, for what happened.'

A small grin played about the corners of Lily's mouth. 'Right. It was really fun to talk to me and you want to thank me and then leave?'

'Well...'

She burst into laughter. 'You really _were_ going to say that! I can't believe you! That is hilarious!'

He was slightly put-out, mainly because he _had_ been intending to say just that, and because the girl of his dreams was practically dying of laughter... directed at him. He started to walk away, but Lily grabbed his arm.

'Sorry,' she managed to say, still giggling. She was clearly trying to settle herself down, an effort for which James was grateful. 'It's just.... That's exactly what you said to me before, after the ball,'

'Are you saying that I'm predictable?' James asked softly, smiling himself now as he realized the truth in her words.

'Very,'

'What could I do that would be unpredictable?'

'You'll have to think of that on your own, mate. Can't help you there,'

'Clearly.'

There was a pause. 'Do you think we ought to rescue Sirius?' Lily asked, frowning slightly. 'I mean, we don't want him to get hurt... And he might if, you know, one of his cousins comes along,'

'That's a good point. Still, I'd say he deserves it,'

'Why?' Lily asked, watching him intently.

If James didn't know Lily better, he would have said that she knew and was trying to get him to admit that he loved her and had been about to kiss her when Sirius had interrupted them, but -- he couldn't. He just plain couldn't.

'For the same reason you put a silencing spell on him in the common room the other night,'

Lily grinned. 'Touché,'

---

'Maybe,' Alice frowned, 'we should just stop this whole stupid thing and let Hestia come to her senses- if she still has any- and break it off.'

'But what if Malfoy learns something dangerous in the meantime?'

'I know, I know. But I still don't like your plan. I really think that it would just backfire,'

It was late at night, and Lily and Alice were whispering together next to the window in their dorm. Lily had finally told Alice her plan, having realized suddenly that she had told James, and not her best friend. Plus, she _did_ want Alice's take on the matter.

'Then what do you suggest?'

As Alice opened her mouth to answer, the dormitory door opened, and Hestia walked in, her eyes sharp as she saw the two of them together.

'Hello,' Lily greeted her cautiously.

'Hi, guys,' Hestia returned, still eyeing them.

'Want to talk?' Alice asked casually, shooting Lily a glance that clearly told her to play along.

Hestia was quiet for a minute, then, 'okay,' She walked over to sit down next to them. 'What were you talking about?'

'Oh, we were just reminiscing about our first day at Hogwarts. Remember how Lily and James both fell out of the boats on our way over?'

Hestia giggled. 'Yeah. We all sat together on the train coming up,'

Lily wondered where Alice was going with this. 'That was fun. We were terrified... We had no idea what to expect,'

'And then there was that stupid boy who called Lily a- a- well, you know what, and she hexed him, and he was so surprised that a first-year could do that, and then we were so angry at him we made a pact to never, ever let him do anything to us again,' Alice smiled.

There was a pause. Okay. Apparently _that_ was where Alice had been going, seeing as how that 'stupid boy' had been none other than Luicius Malfoy.

'He's really not a nice person,' Lily pleaded, breaking the silence. _Why, oh why, couldn't Hestia understand? What was wrong with her?_

'People change. My word, Lily, look whose talking. You've hated James Potter since- as long as I can remember- and now here you are practically dating him,' Hestia snapped.

Lily had to fight the urge to yell, and instead answered in her best attempt at a calm, quiet voice. 'First of all, I have not hated James forever. Second of all, we are _not_ practically dating, we are _friends_ and that's only because he has proved himself to be a good, loyal friend, and a funny person who is worth being friends with. But I would rather _marry_ James then _ever_ go out with someone who is into the Dark Arts, and that is the third and final difference: James has _never_ called me a mudblood- despite almost implying it once when we had a huge row- and he _despises_ the Dark Arts and Lucius Malfoy does not,'

She realized as she spoke that her voice was growing icy and she had to spit the last four words out from between clenched teeth.

Hestia's eyes were dark with a very strong emotion that Lily could not quite name. The black-haired girl tightened her grip on the chair and then said, 'is he really into the Dark Arts?'

Alice widened her eyes, and looked away, clearly unable to speak.

That left Lily.

Pushing all frustration out of her voice, she looked Hestia in the eye. 'Hestia, we all have great reason to believe that Malfoy is not only interested in the Dark Arts, but is, in fact, a Death Eater. He despises Muggleborns.'

'I know that,' Hestia whispered. 'I tried to tell him that it was stupid. But- Oh, Lily. You two are so brilliant and beautiful and loved and funny and clever and nice and everyone looks up to you, because you're courageous and kind and it's so _hard_ to be your friend. Then one day someone asked me out, and I asked him _why_ and he said because I was an interesting person that he'd like to get to know and because I was beautiful and he thought that I was fearless and smart.'

'You _are_ all those things, Hestia. Along with being the sweetest person that I know,'

Hestia began to cry. 'But I- I said things that I shouldn't have, when I was... Well, you know,'

Lily wrapped her arms around her friend. 'Ssh. That's okay. Everyone says things that they shouldn't,'

There came a muffled giggle through the sobs, as Hestia said, 'right. Like you and James.'

Lily blushed. 'Shut up,'

Alice now joined the hug, whispering, 'you really could do a million times better than him, Hestia. Won't you-'

She stopped herself, but Hestia, on her own said. 'I'll break up with him tomorrow,'

Lily was bewildered. Hestia had to have known all along that Malfoy was into the Dark Arts, and yet, here she was, saying she'd break up with him. Maybe all it took was a little love.

---

'Hestia's back!' Lily squealed as she sat down between James and Alice.

'What?'

'Just look!'

Sirius, James, Remus, Peter, and Frank looked over at the Slytherin table, where Hestia was talking with Malfoy.

'Er.... What?' James asked again.

'Unless she has _serious _issues, she is in the process of dumping him,'

'See? You're a genius, Lily,' James said happily.

'Thank you kindly, but it was, in fact, all Alice's idea,

'See?' Frank grinned. 'You're a genius, Alice,' and he leaned over to kiss her lightly.

'Hey!' Sirius exclaimed. 'James didn't kiss Lily,' he waggled his eyebrows and added, 'but I think he was going to,'

Remus turned around. 'What? When?'

Sirius put on a rather awful casual look. 'Oh. You know. The other day. During their "walk". He almost snogged her,'

'Why didn't he?' Peter asked curiously.

Lily put her face in her hands and groaned.

'Oh. I - accidentally- interrupted them,'

'Yeah right was it accidental. And, he, ah, didn't interrupt anything,' James put in hurriedly, turning a lovely shade of red.

'I'm not colorblind, mate,' Remus smirked.

---

'So you broke up with him?' Alice asked excitedly, leaning over to Hestia during their Charms lesson. Hestia nodded.

'He was really upset though. You don't think- he didn't _really_ like me, right?'

Lily prodded Hestia, and motioned to the door. Hestia peered through it, to see Malfoy walking down the hall, hand in hand with one of the Black sisters.

'Narcissa!' she exclaimed. 'But- Malfoy told me that they had broken up!'

Lily and Alice exchange glances. 'Well, it would seem that they're together,' Lily said finally. Hestia grimaced at Malfoy's back, and turned back the charm they were working on.

---

'So, Lily, darling-- Tell me. What did Sirius mean by interrupting you guys?' Alice asked, late that night as they worked on a Potions essay together.

Lily pretended not to know what she was talking about. 'I have no idea what you mean,' she said stiffly.

'Oh, come on. This morning- at breakfast? When Sirius said that he had interrupted you and James on your walk?'

'Oh. That. Well, James and I were talking. About Hestia and such, and... Suddenly Sirius popped out of nowhere,'

'And did _something_ that forced you to in some way inable him to get to class?'

Lily turned pink. 'He's a very_ bothersome_ person, you know,'

'Who is?' Sirius asked, coming up with the other Marauders, plus Frank, to sit with the girls.

'You,' Lily said simply, causing Sirius to pout and the other to burst into laughter.

'I feel very picked on when I'm around you,'

'Only because you're very bothersome,'

'You love me anyway, don't you?'

'Of _course_, darling,'

'But you love James more,'

'Whatever you sa- hey, no, wait!'

The others [minus James who was studying his shoe very intently] burst into a fresh wave of laughter as Lily waved her hands. 'See? See? _This _is why he's bothersome!'

'Because he "interrupts" you and James?' Remus smirked.

'Remus Lupin! You really have stopped acting the gentleman,' Lily said, acting shocked. Remus chuckled.

'Well, Lily, give me a reason Sirius didn't go to Transfiguration yesterday,'

'He interrupted us!'

'Oh, your deep conversation?'

'They were _studying_,' Alice burst in, shooting a look at Lily and collapsing into giggles.

'Lily put a body-binding curse on me,' Sirius interjected, sounding hurt.

The others only laughed harder.

'Everyone enjoys laughing at me,' Sirius said in a dejected tone.

'Sirius, dear,' Lily told him, 'we're laughing _with_ you,' She looked over at James, and to her surprise found his eyes already no her. Meeting his dark hazel eyes, she winked slightly, grinning at the blush that crept over his neck. When he flashed her his charming smile back, she only stuck out her tongue.

'But I'm not laughing,'

---

Well, another chapter. Please review! I got a whole bunch for the last chapter-- I love you guys. Now I'm going camping, so I won't be able to update for at least a week, but I if I come home to lots of reviews and love, I'll try to make the update faster..

So you know what to do!!! Go click that little button... the one that says REVIEW. And thanks a billion times to everyone who has reviewed for previous chapters-- when I finish the story, I'll list you guys, but now it's too much effort. But you guys are awesome. Go, review, I love you, thank you thank you...

Cheers.

AROD...


	15. Chapter 14

Thanks for the reviews! I feel so loved. Right.... Sooo, this chapter is going to be slightly different, I think, okay? It'll start out with Lily's journal, which we haven't ever seen... Just for something different, capiche?

Sooo.. review.... And read on!

Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize is not mine...

**What You Don't Know **

Chapter 14

_February 1, 1974_

_I don't know what to think. Everything is so different, so confusing. I really like him, and actually spending time with him only increases that. But it's the strangest thing... Sometimes when I'm in the room with him, I feel as though... As though he _knows _I like him, and he's okay with that- maybe even that he returns my feelings. But then I realize that he doesn't. It's like there are all these unspoken feelings circling in the room, just waiting, creating a strange tension..._

_But I might just be crazy. _

_It could just all be in my head._

_It's funny to think back on it all. I couldn't honestly say why I like him. Sure, he's funny, and nice, and sweet, and smart, and he laughs-- but so do a lot of people. And he is rather cute, but there are other cute boys. _

_He makes me feel happy._

_Is that all there is to it? He's James. Maybe that's part of it, too. It's just so right. And whenever I'm with him, I really do feel happy._

_Especially now._

_But even before... It was kind of crazy, but I did just like being around him. And then, later, I'd think about it, and just couldn't wrap my mind around it. He was obnoxious, arrogant, rude, and loud... But I liked him anyway. It didn't make any sense. Even now, I can realize his bad qualities, and they just don't matter._

_I think I'm spending way too much time pondering this._

_But I've always spent too much parchment on James Potter._

_I remember every summer since fourth year- granted, only two years, I've promised myself that I wouldn't like him when school started up again. Then the second I'd see him, I'd completely forget that promise. _

_And it's not that he's incredibly hot._

_I can really think of about ten people who are "hotter" than him. But it doesn't matter. Isn't that crazy? I mean, he's tall. But his hair is just so messy all the time. And he has really large, nice hazel eyes. But he's also kind of scrawny, even with all that Quidditch. But he has just a nice face. Because it's _his_ face. So even though it's not hot, or sexy, or even really cute, per se, it is, because it belongs to him?_

_I really make no sense._

Lily closed her journal as the door to the sixth-year girls dormitory opened, and Alice walked in.

'Hi,' Lily greeted her. 'How's Frank?'

It was funny- ever since Alice started really going out with Frank, it was like adding _how's Frank_ was a must onto every greeting. It was just taken for granted that the two had been together prior to anytime Lily ever saw her friend.

'He's wonderful, and how's James?'

'I have absolutely no idea,'

Alice pouted. 'Come on, Lily. You already admitted to liking him,'

'Sure, but that doesn't mean we have some psychic connection that allows me to know how he feels at all times. In fact, it doesn't even mean that we're _dating_.'

'Not yet, that is,'

'Shut up, Alice,'

'I'm encouraging you,'

'No, you're depressing me,'

'That's a lie. So what were you writing about?'

Lily couldn't bring herself to answer.

'James it is then,' Alice said cheerfully.

Lily groaned. 'Why are you so horribly cheerful?'

'Frank,' Alice returned promptly. 'Just being around him makes me happy,'

Lily could only laugh.

'You don't want to know,'

'Sure I do,' Sirius begged.

'Sirius, be reasonable. Do you _really_ want to know what they all thought of you when they first met you?' Remus asked, looking up from his book with a raise of his eyebrows.

Sirius looked pensive. 'Yes,' he said.

'All right. We thought you were incredibly sexy, dashing, and handsome,' Lily said, rolling her eyes.

'Really?' Sirius asked, his eyes lighting up.

'Nope,' Lily said, and burst into laughter.

'It's actually what she thought of James,' Remus said, his nose back in his book. Lily and James both turned red.

'Er. Let's not talk about first year, okay-dokey?' James muttered.

'Why not?' Sirius asked immediately.

'They didn't get along in first year,' Peter said.

'Sure we did,' Lily said quickly.

'We just... got off to a bad start,' James said.

'Exactly,' Lily agreed.

Alice, Sirius, Peter, Frank, and Remus started at the pair of them. 'What to you mean, a bad start?'

'You and Lily fell into the lake,' Alice pointed out.

'We both laughed about it,' Lily countered.

'... Until you got to the Great Hall and got sent to your dormitories straight after the sorting because you were so wet and even though you were fed there you missed out on the feast and both of you blamed each other and after that you two pranked each other constantly, and even _Sirius_ thought you two went a bit far, until Lily accidentally burned _his _Charms textbook, and _Remus'_ pajama bottoms, and strung up _Peter's_ pants in the Great Hall. Then Peter dyed _my_ hair purple and I was on Lily's side forever, and then Sirius read _Hestia's_ journal aloud to the Great Hall, and so she---'

'We get the point,' Lily interrupted Alice hastily.

'And that's where this bad relationship came about,' Peter said thoughtfully.

'Why didn't you hate Sirius or Peter or Remus?' James asked suddenly, turning to look at Lily.

'Well, they were _justified_ in pranking me. I accidentally did stuff to them before they did anything to me,'

'_I_ was justified in doing stuff to you!' James pointed out indignantly. 'You charmed my textbooks to be invisible for a day,'

'That was _after_ you sent me in the wrong direction for transfiguration,' Lily reminded him.

'Why did you ask a fellow first year for directions?'

'Because you said you were sorry for being rude the first night and asked if I needed help finding my class!' Lily said in exasperation.

There was a silence, during which Sirius was doubled over in silent laughter, and Alice was giggling behind her hand.

Finally James said, quietly, 'I'm sorry,'

'So am I,' Lily said, a smile playing about her mouth at the expression of remorse on his face.

'They were some good pranks, weren't they?' James said.

'Mine were best,'

'I don't think so,'

They grinned at each other.

'They were,' Lily insisted.

'Were not. Mine were better.'

'Mine were more original,'

'Mine got you madder,'

'Mine were meaner,'

'Mine were better,'

'Mine were!'

James started tickling her. 'I don't think so. Mine were the best,'

'She's very ticklish, you know,' Alice observed, watching the now screaming Lily wriggling away from James.

'Apparently,' James said to her, then, to Lily, 'say it! Say it! Mine were better!'

'No!' Lily gasped out, still shrieking with laughter. 'Stop... Stop... Please.. Or.... Or I won't except your apology...'

'You already did,'

'I take it back,' Lily managed to say, sliding off the couch.

James grinned proudly. 'I win,'

'What are you doing, Lily?' Hestia asked later that night when she came upon Lily, sitting alone on her bed, pictures scattered around her.

'Making a photo album,' Lily said, glancing up, and brushing hair from her face. 'See, look, here's one of the three of us during the summer before second year. Remember, we were staying over at Alice's house?'

'That was fun.' Hestia shot Lily a devilish grin. 'Remember when you swore you wouldn't care about James Potter anymore, and that he could say what he wanted,'

'Er. Faintly,'

'You were _so_ made because on the train ride home he told you that you were ugly and that he would rather date Narcissa Black than you,' Hestia grinned.

'You're laughing?!? I don't believe you. And hey, that was mean,'

'Sure it was. But it got you so upset. You told him that you wouldn't date him in a million years.'

'Even if he was the last person alive,' Lily said, smiling. 'Yup, that I remember,'

'Do you still think that?'

'Don't be silly. That would be a weird thing to think.'

'Aha. You like him, don't you?'

'Um.'

'You do, you do! It's been so _obvious_! Almost as obvious as that he likes you!'

'Um. No, he doesn't,'

'Yes, he does,'

'Hestia.... Don't do that. It's mean,'

'No, it's not. You two are in love and will get married and live happily ever after!'

'I highly doubt that,'

'Well, you're the only one,'

Okay..... Sorry that chapter was a short one. Suffering from semi writers block. Yeah, James and Lily need to talk... dun dun dun... next chapter, for sure!!! PLEASE review and suggestions might help me get some ideas. Yay. Thanks so much, guys! You all rock....

Cheerios!

-- AROD --

And sorry the formatting is being so screwed up. It's driving me nuts. Hopefully it worked better this time, because if it didn't, I think I'm going to cry.... Please review to make me happier!!!


	16. Chapter 15

Okay... I hope the format works out better this time, because I had a lot of issues with that last chapter. And thanks a million times for the reviews, and for Kiko for putting in a suggestion. I love you guys.... You're awesome. Hahaha.. Soooo pleasssssssse review on this chapter as well and we can be friends!!! .... Yesss...

Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine, blah blah blah, you all know that, right??

**What You Don't Know**

Chapter 15

Saturday morning was one of those sunny, freezing winter days. Lily couldn't have been happier with the weather. She pulled a hat on along with a scarf and bounded down the stairs. The Marauders were sitting in the common room, all looking slightly bored.

'I don't believe it! To look at your faces, one would hardly believe the weather outside is _perfect_!'

'Perfect? Lily, dear, look outside- it's cold and snowy and not fun,''

'But it's _cold and snowy_,'

'Exactly!'

'And that's a _good_ thing! Come on! Let's go play in the snow,'

'No,' Remus said flatly.

'You lot are absolutely no fun at all,' Lily pouted.

'I _am_ fun,' Sirius protested.

Lily rolled her eyes. 'No, you aren't,'

'I'll go outside with you,' James offered, speaking for the first time.

'Really?' Lily grinned. 'Yay,'

'Sure,' James stood up, motioning to his friends, 'catch you lot later, okay?'

'Right, James. Don't worry-' Remus smirked. 'I'll keep Sirius here where he won't be ... _interrupting_... anything,'

James turned red and Lily felt her own face warming as she glared at them. 'You are certainly no where near the perfect gentleman, Remus Lupin. We'll have to work on that, now, won't we?'

'Bye, guys,' James said, dragging Lily out the portrait door before his friends could get any more digs out.

When the door had swung shut behind them, the pair looked at each other. 'I really _am_ sorry about first year- I was eleven though. Can you forgive me?'

'If you forgive me. But the whole eleven thing doesn't really count for the rest of the years of merciless pranking,'

'I'm not apologizing for those years,' James said with a smile. 'I was perfectly justified then in getting you back. Anyway, eventually we stopped pranking each other,'

'...And just screamed at each other after more than two minutes in each others presence,'

'But that's not how it is anymore,' James pointed out.

'No, it's not,' Lily agreed, frowning slightly. 'Why, James? Why don't you yell at me anymore?'

'The same reason you don't yell at me?'

Lily rolled her eyes and whacked his arm. 'No, seriously,'

'Well, I don't know. Maybe because the whole thing was stupid,'

'That it was,'

'And because life is too short to be petty,'

'Life is short. But people still keep themselves drawn in and enclosed from others, because they're afraid of rejection and hurt and betrayal,'

'You think life's too short to be afraid of being betrayed?'

'I just think that people need to learn to be more trusting. Maybe just more open,'

'Are you open?'

'Probably not as much as I should be. Are you?'

'I agree,'

'Oh, good,'

There was a comfortable silence as the two made their way outside. Several feet of snow had accumulated, and despite the sun, it was slow melting. As James looked around, his hazel eyes squinted against the brilliant light, Lily bent down, quickly made a snowball, and pelted it towards him.

'That's not fair!' James cried. 'We hadn't agreed to begin!'

Lily grinned at him, her green eyes dancing with merriment. 'So what? All's fair in love and war;'

'Then this is war,'

'Or love,'

'Since when does love involve throwing snowballs?'

Lily shrugged. 'War it is then,'

James responded with a barrage of snowballs.

Remus smiled fondly as he watched the two figures, running around, throwing snowballs at each other. From the window, he could make out Lily's brilliant red hair, and James' own dark head.

It seemed as though the two had found each other at last.

'What are you looking at, Moony?' Sirius asked, coming up behind his friend.

Remus motioned vaguely out the window.

'Oh, look,' Sirius said, smirking. 'Lily and James are just too cute, now aren't they?'

Remus shook his head. 'You can at least be happy for James,'

'Oy! I'm happy for him, all right! But come on... He's a total prat. He could at least tell Lily how he feels,'

Remus frowned. 'It's not that simple,'

'Why not? What if tomorrow he dies, and Lily never knew?'

'Maybe she does know...'

'James told her?' Sirius asked, surprised.

'Not to my knowledge. But maybe she can tell through his actions.'

'But she can't tell for sure, no matter what little womanly intuition she has. James needs to tell her,'

'I agree, mate.'

'I think we should help,'

'Bad idea. We don't want to screw things up for them,'

'We _won't_ screw things up! We'll _help_! We owe it to James,'

'We do owe James. I think we owe James not screw around in his relationships,'

'At the moment, it's more of his lack thereof!' Sirius pointed out with yet another smirk.

'No, Sirius,'

'Come on. Maybe I'll just do it alone if you're unwilling...'

Remus panicked. That could be disastrous. 'No. No, I'll help. But give him some time on his own, eh? If he hasn't talked to her by Valentines Day, we'll step in,'

Sirius appeared to think this over. 'Deal,' he grinned, sticking out his hand.

Remus shook it with faint relief. 'Deal,' he echoed. Now he just had to talk with James and convince him to admit his feelings...

Two hours later, a very wet James accompanied an equally soaked Lily up to their common room.

'I only let you win, you know,' he told her, grinning.

Lily rolled her eyes. 'Sure. You can keep on telling yourself that,'

'I will, and I'll keep on reminding you as well, because if you argue with me, I'll tickle you,'

'And if you tickle me, I'll....'

James smirked as Lily stopped walking, her eyebrows knit together as she thought, biting her lip.

'You'll...' he prompted her.

'Do something... drastically... mean,' she said. 'That was lame, huh?'

'Very,' he agreed.

Lily whacked him. 'Now is when you act like the gentleman and disagree, telling me that it wasn't lame at all, and was indeed an incredibly terrifying threat,'

'But if I said that, I'd by lying, and we'd have a relationship built upon dishonesty,'

'So instead we'll now have a relationship completely lacking in respect?' Lily countered, eyebrows raised.

'I respect you,'

'Do you really?'

'Sure.'

Lily merely looked at him, eyebrows raised as though interested. James pressed on:

'Do you respect me'

She stuck her tongue out. 'What's to respect? Your Qudditich skills?'

He smirked, unable to resist the bait. 'Of course. And my charming good looks, easy manner, my intelligence, my wonderful sense of humor-'

'You're hilarious,'

'See?' James beamed. 'I know,'

'You're so difficult to hate,'

'Because I'm so adorable?'

Lily rolled her eyes, but James caught the grin that flitted across her face. 'That must be it,'

'Do I sense sarcasm in your usually dulcet tones?' he asked.

This time she did grin. 'You're so intuitive,' she gasped.

'Just one of my many good qualities,' James joked back.

'So I've heard,'

'From my many admirers?'

'Surprisingly, yes,'

'Which one?'

'You,'

James snorted loudly, which made Lily burst into a fresh wave of laughter. 'And I make you laugh,' he said proudly, to which Lily looked up at him, and seemed to smile through her laughter. Her smile twisted his stomach up and set his heart pounding.

'So does Sirius,' she teased.

James pouted. 'So... Was this whole walk to admit your feelings for Sirius?'

Lily sighed. 'I can't deny them anymore... It's true,'

'You know, mate, that's rather sick,'

'How awful! I thought Sirius was your best mate, and here you are saying that someone liking him is just sick!'

'Not just _someone. _You.'

'Why me?'

James ran a hand through his hair, unable to say anything. He felt as though there were a million thoughts inside his head, and he wanted to say them all, but he did know better than that, and kept his mouth closed as though to block all the thoughts inside. But he couldn't keep silent for long. Lily was waiting for an answer, no matter how jokingly they had been speaking. 'I don't know,' he replied honestly. 'I used to wonder that a lot, you know. _Why you?_'

She smiled slightly. 'You didn't want it to be me,'

He shook his head, 'I didn't. But in the same way, it _had_ to be you because that's how it was,'

'I don't think that makes any sense. But I understand it anyway,'

'You felt the same way?'

They had stopped walking and were whispering, her green eyes focused somewhere around his Hogwarts Badge, and he could see her swallow as she spoke, and he was almost trembling...

'Yes,' she breathed.

He felt his heart stop. 'Look me in the eye,'

'I can't,'

'Why not?'

'I'm afraid,'

'It's okay, Lily. It's okay,'

But he couldn't help it. When Lily slowly raised her head, and her brilliant green eyes met his own, nothing in the world could have stopped him from leaning forward and placing his lips upon hers.

Okayyyyyyy...... Wellll, I wanted it to be longer, but I really couldn't help it, so sorry. I just couldn't stop at any other point, you know. But be grateful. Something finally happened, and we'll just have to see where it leads...

dramatic music

Review, please! Thanks guys!

-- _Arod_ --


	17. Chapter 16

Sorry for the long time it took to get this up! My life has become insanely busy, what with homework and school and all kinds of activity things. So, make me feel loved, and read this chapter! Thennn... review! Let me know what you guys think. Or just complain about the long time. And if you want something else to do, you can check out my new story... It's about Sirius, because we all know we love him. ï

**What You Don't Know**

Chapter 16

Lily couldn't tell what happened. One moment they were talking, and the next he was so close, and suddenly they were kissing, and.... She had never, ever felt anything like this, nor had she ever expected that it could be this brilliantly, wonderfully, amazingly...

Wait.

She was kissing James Potter.

She had to stop and think about this. Didn't she? Didn't she?

Lily couldn't tell what happened next, either. Did she pull away first, or did James? Or was it mutual?

She started to take a step backwards, visions of running to Alice or Hestia to tell them what had happened flashed through her mind. And at the same moment, James took a step away from her.

She grabbed his hand, stopping him. Suddenly she knew that if James ran away, that was it. He was staying.

'Um. Sorry,' she said. 'I just hate it when people leave and everything is all unsorted and, you know- things like that...'

'Sorry. I didn't mean to...'

'Are you sorry you did it?' Lily asked.

There was a long, long silence. Slowly James looked up, and his hazel eyes met her own, and they stayed that way. He looked rather pale.

'No,' he whispered finally.

Lily felt a smile break across her face.

He looked horrified. 'What, are you?'

'Sorry that you kissed me?' she teased.

He turned a bit red around the neck, and Lily hadn't ever seen a lovelier sight. 'Yeah, that,' he said, narrowing his eyes, and poking her waist.

'Aahh.. No, don't do that. But no, I'm not sorry either,'

He grinned at her, and she grinned back, and even though she registered that they looked pathetic... Standing there, grinning like fools at each other, she couldn't bring herself to break it.

'What's your favorite color?' she asked him finally. James stared at her.

'Um. Blue?'

'Really?'

'Is that all you can say?' James asked her finally.

'I don't know. What else is there to say?' Lily eyed him.

--

When Lily walked into the Common Room that afternoon, she was alone. James had disappeared, to do something 'important'. She wondered what, and was now intent on asking his friends.

They were still sitting around in the armchairs as she had left them. The only difference was the addition of Hestia, Alice, and Frank. They all looked up when she entered.

'Where's James?' Hestia asked.

'He had to go do something 'important,'... Any idea what?'

The three Marauders exchanged glances. 'No,' Remus answered finally.

'What did you _do_ to him, Lily?' Sirius asked.

Lily glared at him. 'Kissed him. What did you expect?'

It took a moment for the full impact of these words to sink in, and then everyone spoke at once.

'You're _joking_!' Sirius exclaimed loudly, half-jumping to his feet.

'Wait, what?' Peter asked.

'You kissed him, or he kissed you?' Hestia queried.

'Or both,' Alice added.

'Wow,' Frank nodded.

'I don't believe it,' Remus said with a self-satisfied smile.

Lily shrugged. 'Don't then. Suit yourself.'

'You're really not kidding?' Sirius asked, still staring at her incredulously.

'Nope.'

They all watched her for a moment, but she gave no sign of continuing.

'.... And?' Alice asked finally.

Lily looked up. 'And what?'

Remus let out a short sigh of exasperation. 'Are you 'together'?'

' "Together"?' Lily repeated.

'Did he ask you out?'

Lily merely smiled. 'Are you really going to pry into my private life, Remus?'

'Yes,' Sirius replied without hesitation for his friend.

'Interrogate James, then, not me.'

'Sooo... James _is_ part of your private life, then?' Sirius said shrewdly.

'Where would we be without your razor sharp intelligence?' Lily asked, and a bright grin flew across her face.

'You are going out!' Alice squealed, jumping up to hug her friend. For the first time, Lily turned slightly red.

'What is this, a big deal?' she asked.

'Yes!' Hestia and Alice laughed together.

'We're just going on a date... It's not like we're getting married,'

'You'd better get married,' Sirius said. 'If you mess around with my best friend, there will be hell to pay,'

'Define _mess around_,' Lily smirked, and retired to her dormitory.

--

When he had received a yes in return to his question of a date, James had lost no time in running to the owlery, where he scribbled a quick note to his brother, telling him about what had just come to pass.

As he walked back to the dormitory, he wondered if he should have waited a bit. Would Lily mind that he had rushed off, as soon as he had extracted the promise of a date that very evening? He didn't think so.

But he had left Lily to the mercy of Sirius.

James began to walk a little faster.

Sirius was a great chap, but he could be tactless and inconsiderate, without even meaning to, or indeed realizing it.

James broke into a run.

He reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, which guarded the entrance to the Gryffindor House, and panted the password, out of breath.

When he burst through, ready to jump on Sirius to shut him up, if need be, he was met with five expectant stares. He glanced at the faces quickly. No Lily.

'Hi, James,' Sirius smirked.

'Where did you go?' Remus frowned.

'Where's Lily?' he asked, ignoring them.

He couldn't tell from their faces if they had heard, but when he looked at the identical grins that sprouted on Hestia and Alice's faces, he was suddenly sure that Lily had told them. Stupid girls that tell each other everything...

'Yes, you _would_ be rather interested in where Lily was, now, wouldn't you?'

'And what do you mean, running off after snogging her?'

'So, wait, _why_ did you kiss her?' Peter asked, a puzzled frown in the crease of his eyebrows.

'You better have meant it, Potter,'

'Maybe you scared her. She ran up to her dormitory,'

_That_ got his attention. James decided to pointedly ignore the other various remarks from the group, and turned to Sirius. 'What did you do to her?'

Sirius put on a wounded look. 'Why is it always me? You think I would do something to Lily?'

'Yes,' James threw over his shoulder, dashing for the girls dormitory stairs.

'James-' Remus began in what sounded like a warning tone, but he never got to finish his sentence. He was cut off by a long, wailing, siren.

The stairs molded together, turning into a long, slippery slide. James whirled his arms violently, attempting to keep his balance, before falling over and sliding down.

Lily appeared at the top of the stairs. She slid neatly down the slide, and crashed into James, who had not yet regained his balance.

'_James_ tried to get up the stairs?' she asked, sounding mildly interesting.

Sirius was howling with laughter, and Remus looked rather amused. 'I tried to warn him,'

'Why did you want to go up there?' Lily asked, turning to James.

He blushed slightly. 'I wanted to talk to you,'

'Why?'

'Well, why did you run off to your dormitory?'

She grinned at him, and James felt his stomach flop. It was much more pleasant when he knew that Lily wouldn't bite his head off if she knew what her smile did to him. 'You would have, to. Not a very nice guy, leaving me to the mercy of our horrible friends,'

There were several indignant cries at that, but James did his best to ignore them.

'I didn't think of that. Sorry.'

She crossed her arms. 'I'm not sure I can really forgive you that easily,' she said, tapping her foot.

James knelt at her feet. 'See, I had to go owl my older brother, because I was really excited-' he and Lily both blushed at that, and he hurried on, '- and I wasn't really thinking, but I am sorry to just sort of desert you,'

'You're forgiven,' she rolled her eyes, and offered him a hand.

'Hey, look!' Sirius cried. 'James is proposing!'

Well, what else could one expect from Sirius?

--

Okay!!!!! The Format has been screwed up for the past few chapters, so hopefully this one is better. I'm VERY VERY VERY VERY sorry if it isn't. And I'm sorry that this took forever to get up. School is horrible! Assigning that much homework should be against the law. In any case, this is up.... I know it's a bit short, but I really wanted to give you guys something. PLEASE review, and if you want, please check out my new story... It's called The Dog Star, and I'd be really appreciative if you'd let me know what you thought of it.

Thanks!

Please review!

-- _Arod_


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